i’m a Slave!

Who knew?

i took the test fiona took ~ she writes about it here, and here are the results:

Your result for The submissive type Test …

Slave

You scored 20% Humiliation, 75% Submissiveness, 58% Service, and 58% Pain!

You’re the slave, you scored high in both submissiveness and service, you probably want to be owned by someone, you feel the need to relinquish your power over to someone else and to service him. You are the ideal partner for 24/7 Owner/slave relationships, whether you like or dislike pain is a matter of taste, hence with humiliation, but I would bet that the chances are you enjoy them sometimes but the most important thing is whether your Dom will enjoy doing those things to you.
Good luck in finding your best relationship 🙂

 

Your Analysis (Vertical line = Average)

• You scored 20% on Humiliation, higher than 11% of your peers.
• You scored 75% onSubmissiveness, higher than 88% of your peers.
• You scored 58% on Service, higher than 41% of your peers.
• You scored 58% on Pain, higher than 68% of your peers.

i actually think these are pretty accurate for me.  i’m not a huge pain slut, but i sure like a bit of it.  i’m not all about service all the time, but like serving sometimes, like the concept for sure.

If you want to take the test, here’s the link.

*******************

On a whole different note, i must be the luckiest kinky blogger in the universe.  In just 4 more days i start off on my adventure.  i get to meet ‘nilla and her whole family and her Master (if all goes well) and if that weren’t enough to fill my need for happy, there’s a bonus.

There’s a blogger who lives close enough to ‘nilla for us to all get together for lunch. No, i’m not kidding.  Who?

i would say “guess” but it might take a long time.

It’s Jz.

i can’t even begin to think about how exciting all this is ~ mostly because i have a long week ahead of me that i need to get through first.  But soon.  Very soon.

i wish you could all be there too.

 

Beyond Spanking

Yesterday was a draining work day for me.  That’s not a complaint or a problem.   My job can be emotionally draining just because it is and that’s ok.

But i came home and started reading my Nora Roberts novel and started to relax and decided to curl up on the couch with my book.  And of course i fell asleep, but i was kind of sitting up, so it wasn’t like going all the way to sleep.  i’d nod off til i got uncomfortable, then i’d wake up and read some more.

After a while, longer than i realized,  i woke up all the way.  And i thought, with a tremendous intensity, about texting Sir and saying

“i need to sit at your feet.”

i sat with that thought for a while.

There is something about sitting at His feet that renews me.  i don’t get how that works.  i think it is a Power Exchange component of our relationship, but i don’t understand how being at His feet gives me energy.

i guess i don’t have to understand it.

i got up, and saw on my phone that He had texted me a bit earlier, wanting to know if i needed anything from the grocery.   i almost texted back, “no, i just need to sit at your feet.”

Instead, i waited til He got home and told Him.  After He’d been home a bit, as the evening was winding down, i told Him.  And He said that He’d been thinking about that too, thinking that He needed to make sure i did that.

i was going to sit at His feet then, but He said, “Wait a minute,” and turned me over His knee first for my two-minute spanking {thank you, Sir.}

And then i sat at His feet, and He stroked my head and petted me a bit, and then He put me to bed.

i love my Sir.

Yes, But…

Sin asked me a couple of questions yesterday about my post – did i want Sir to be different, the relationship to be different, or myself to be different?  Good questions.  {Thank you, Sin, for making me think twice yesterday.}

Then she noted that i sound really happy, which is super true.

So, sometimes i think i want to be dominated more fiercely, to have rules i have to adhere to or i’m in big trouble, to have restrictions and requirements.  But.

i think my Sir is perfect just the way He is, and perfect for me.  And my life is going really well.  And really, really, i don’t know that it could be any better than it is.

So when i think about it later, i’m like, um, no, maybe not.

i don’t have particular rules in mind that i wish He’d impose on me, i think i want Him to want to impose some rules on me, but ones that HE wants, not just because i ask Him to make some up.

But if He doesn’t, then that’s how He is, and isn’t He the one that gets to set the rules for our relationship?  Yeah, i’m pretty sure that’s how that works.

Which means it’s up to me to serve and please as best i can.  Like last night, when i didn’t really want to stop at the grocery on the way home, but He wanted ice cream, so i stopped.   No complaining either, i just did it.

That is not as much fun as having my orgasms controlled.  Maybe.  But do i really want them controlled?  Probably not.

See what i’m saying?

We are both kind of “go with the flow” people.  He’s very zen.   Why would i want to change that about Him?

“The beginning of love is the will to let those we love be perfectly themselves, the resolution not to twist them to fit our own image.”
― Thomas Merton, The Way of Chuang Tzu

Power Exchange

i think that my relationship with Sir is more than kinky, more than in the bedroom.  i think we have a power exchange, and i want that.  But i am so comfortable these days.

i’m not sure if that’s because we’ve settled into being together so nicely that the relationship fits me like a glove, or if it’s because He’s so easy-going that it’s too easy.

i know, i’m back to that again.

The problem ~ ok, it’s not a problem ~ the thing is, He’s so easy-going, and i’m pretty low-maintenance, so He makes few demands, and i don’t mind conceding when He asks me too.  He doesn’t have to control my money, or my activities, or my moods.  He doesn’t have a list of rules and restrictions.

Which is all good, yes of course it is, i know that.

It means we flow through our days ~ and nights ~ with pleasure and connectedness.  Driving home yesterday, i was floating in happiness, grateful that i was going home to Him.

And yet.

And yet.

There is something in me that wants more.  More of the quick drop on the roller coaster.  More of that sense of being powerless.  More of Him taking, demanding, ordering.

i am a greedy girl.