Monthly Archives: May 2014

Her Master’s Gift

That’s a great title isn’t it?

‘Nilla’s master had her make a gift, under his instructions, to bring me.  It came in a box:



Each side of the box has a unique design.


Inside the box is this:

IMG_3537Tiny pieces of paper with little designs on them.  Can you guess what it is yet?  No?  Here’s another hint.


Still don’t get it?  Half O’s.  ‘Nilla’s master sent me a box of half O’s.  What a thoughtful gift!  Lol…


Coming Out

No, it’s not me that’s coming out, and it’s not that kind of coming out.  And um, it’s really more like coming down, only that doesn’t sound right at all.

Are you thoroughly baffled?

Good.  Mwhahahaha, my evil plan is complete!

No, seriously, ‘Nilla is coming down to visit me.  She gets here Saturday morning, and will be here til Tuesday afternoon – so yay!!!   AND ~ bonus treat ~ Fiona from Sir Q and me is going to come hang out with us on Saturday!!

Good times ahead ~~ stay tuned…



For Monkey

Monkey wrote a post about turning 60 in about 7 years and this fantasy idea she has of shaving her head.  She’s been dyeing her hair, but figures she could shave it all off and let it grow back in all natural.  {I would link you to the post, but it’s a private blog these days – sorry.}

Anyhow, it got me thinking, first, because my daughter shaved her head once when she was about 14 – no, not with my permission.  Good grief, no.  i was appalled.

But i remember us laughing when we’d go to the grocery – after I’d gotten to the point that i could laugh again.  People would look at her with disgust and disdain – my all shaved-head, punk-looking daughter – and then you could watch them think, Oh, maybe she has cancer!  And their expression would change to pity, and they’d smile weakly at her as if to say, “oh, you poor thing.”  We’d just laugh.

Then i started thinking about this thing that happened in the blogosphere a long time ago, back when i was a new submissive and a new blogger.  It still gives me chills when i think about it.

Some blogger – i don’t remember who any of the people were anymore – and maybe i’m not even remembering it right – but some blogger’s Master made her shave her head.  Well, “made her” in the way that Masters do, and she didn’t want to, but he insisted and she did.

That post elicited all kinds of comments, as you can imagine, and lots of conversation about whether or not different submissives would do that if their Sir or Master wanted it, and so on.

So this one submissive woman said basically that she didn’t have to worry about it, that her Sir, her husband, would never ask her to do that, that they were expressing their D/s selves in more subtle ways, and she had children and carpools and an image to maintain and he would support that and wouldn’t ask her to do anything that would violate that.  i didn’t think she was snarky about it or superior sounding, she was just saying.

But when he heard about it – and I don’t know if she told him about it or if he was a blog reader too – but when he found out, he made her shave her head.  And she had to come back – i don’t remember if she had her own blog, or if he made her do it in comments, or what – but she had to come back and tell everyone that she’d been wrong, that he had been subtle because he wanted to be but he decided she was complacent and he wanted to make it clear that he didn’t have to be subtle, and he made her shave her head.

There was a lot of outcry from the community – i remember lots of sympathy for her, and support for her Master’s right to do it at the same time.

i still don’t know what i think about that.  It scares me, and it makes my pussy clench.  Yeah.  i hate that it does, but it does.

Anyhow, i’ve been thinking about all that since i read Monkey’s post, and maybe whoever that was is still here in the blogosphere and wants to correct the parts of the story i got wrong, or tell the rest of the story.  Does anyone else remember all that?

Then today i saw this picture, and thought of Monkey.  Was gonna just post it in the comments, but couldn’t upload it there.  So here it is, with the back story on my thoughts.


Amazing, isn’t it?

A Nursery Rhyme

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
She had so many children, she didn’t know what to do;
She gave them some broth without any bread;
Then whipped them all soundly and put them to bed.

Except for the fact that Sir is not an old woman, doesn’t have many children, and wouldn’t dream of serving anyone broth, this nursery rhyme could have been about Him and me last night.

That makes me one happy sub girl.  Nothing subtle about getting one’s ass spanked.

Silly Subtle Stuff {1}

So i’m trying to take Cailin’s advice in her comment on my last post, where she says:

I try not to let a day go by…or a thing he does slip by without telling him what it did for me…or how happy it/he makes me….

And i figure that has to start with paying more attention to the way things already are.  Since, you know, i let that whole “He ties me to the bed” thing get by me as a Dominant act, i thought i should notice more.

So today, i was cleaning up the kitchen and cleaned out the frig, throwing away some left-over carryout that neither of us was going to eat.  It filled my garbage can – the under the sink garbage can.  So ~

~ you thought i was going to say “i took the garbage out,” didn’t you?  But no.  i have a rule.  i’m not allowed to take the garbage out, only Sir can take the garbage out.

i don’t know why.  It’s not a new rule, it’s been there ever since He moved in a couple of years ago.  i can nudge Him ~ for example, i might say, “i was thinking about taking out the garbage before i go to bed tonight,” and He’ll say, “No you’re not.” or “You better not!”  and take it out himself.   We both know what i’m doing, but He’s fine with that.

i’m not allowed to take it to the street or bring the cans in either.  He does that.  And He does it on His time schedule (and the pick-up people’s schedule), not necessarily when i think He should.

So that’s one that i obey all the time, and don’t think about anymore, except today, when i had this dilemma while He was at work.  i couldn’t leave it because i had more that needed to go.  So i texted Him.

Yes, i texted my Sir to get permission to take the garbage out.

“If you must…” he replied.  So i did.

It’s very strange, isn’t it?

i could be wrong…

So, um, i have rules.  More specifically, i have a bedtime rule.

i have to get ready for bed, and then come get Him to put me to bed.  i have to ask him “may i go to bed, please, Sir.”

Last night, He said “No,” and made me sit on the floor at His feet.

That was after He wouldn’t let me go take a shower because He was talking to me.  He does that all the time, i’ll say, “ok, i’m gonna go get ready for bed,” and He just keeps talking, or He’ll ask me a question, so i don’t leave.  But last  night, He actually caught my leg between his legs so i couldn’t move – He just did it casually, but when i said,

“i’m going to go take a shower,” and He didn’t move His legs, and i said, “Um, i can’t move unless you let my leg go,”

Then He laughed and said, “Do you think I don’t know that?  You’re not going anywhere.”

And i thought, “O.  But ~ O.  i guess, um, i guess maybe i don’t pay attention enough?  Maybe He really does Dom me in subtle ways?  And i just take it for granted, and don’t recognize it because i’m used to it?”

And maybe that’s so, because when He started talking about tying me to the bed, more than He already does, which is just a rope around my ankle, although sometimes He ties my ankles together too, well, He was asking me how long i thought i could sleep in one position, because sometimes if you can’t move, it gets real uncomfortable, and did i think i could be held still for 3 or 4 hours?

And i thought, o, hmmm, some people might think this conversation is a bit nuts, why would  i let Him tie me up so i can’t move?  And i can remember a time that would have freaked me out.

So maybe He’s much more subtly dominant than i realize, and maybe i just haven’t been paying enough attention.  But He wasn’t a bit subtle last night.

He told me to take my shower and then put on one of the white shirts with buttons, and come let Him know when i was ready for bed.  And that was when He said, “No,” and made me sit on the floor by His feet ~ which felt so good, and i got to put my head on His thigh, and He stroked my hair, and ~~ yeah.  It was just what i needed.

Then He ~ o, He led me to the hallway and made me stand with my head against the wall and He spanked me – but just one ass cheek.  At last, He led me to bed ~ and ~

Then He tortured my nipples – punishing me a couple of times for not responding appropriately to questions with a really painful pinch.  He smacked my ass until it was stinging and tender,  managing eventually to even up the pain in both cheeks…

and even took a picture of it.  No, i’m not posting it here.  You know, unless He tells me to.

He says that when i let Him know how much i need D/s, it frees Him to act on His desires.   i guess i’ll have to tell Him more often…

Ok, and thank youall for putting up with me on this emotional roller coaster, like a bizarre game of “He Doms me, He Doms me not…”


I don’t know…

Elle commented on my post yesterday, and said, in part:

There is something about the administration of punishment. To me it says, “I control you and you are worth correcting.”

That resonated deeply with me.  I think it’s at the heart of my desire for submission – probably not the only thing, but the one that is in the forefront these days.

i think –

i’ve had access lately to some information – some stories – about my childhood that have put me in touch with some feelings i didn’t know were there.  It made me realize – not for the first time – how much was expected of me at a very early age.  It made me think of this quote:

“Adults constantly raise the bar on smart children, precisely because they’re able to handle it. The children get overwhelmed by the tasks in front of them and gradually lose the sort of openness and sense of accomplishment they innately have. When they’re treated like that, children start to crawl inside a shell and keep everything inside. It takes a lot of time and effort to get them to open up again. Kids’ hearts are malleable, but once they gel it’s hard to get them back the way they were.”
― Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

In some ways, D/s relationships allowed me to be open in a way that i hadn’t been in – well, you know, in ever.  D/s allowed me to be needy, to not be competent and in charge all the fucking time.  (Ooops – frigging.  All the frigging time.)

So when Sir says, matter-of-factly, “You don’t need someone to manage your daily life,” of course He’s right.  i don’t.   i can do just fine on my own.  i don’t need rules or tasks or expectations or punishment.  i don’t need any of it.

He doesn’t miss it the way i do.  He doesn’t need it.

And really, we don’t have time for it anyhow.

It doesn’t really matter anyway.