Monthly Archives: July 2014

A Cushion

Sir has given me a task – i’m supposed to pick out a meditation cushion, so i can sit at His feet comfortably.  How cool is that?

Questions – do i want a Zafu, a Cosmic Cushion, the Heavenly Buckwheat Bean, the Rectangular Meditation Cushion, or the Zabuton Meditation Cushion?  Stuffed with kapok, buckwheat or spelt?

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If you’re interested, you can read more about the choices here.  If you have a meditation cushion and advice or thoughts to offer, please share – either in the comments or email me at


Orgasm – Not just for pleasure

Inspired by Greengirl’s account of her experience when her husband/Dom *makes* her have a lot of orgasms, i did some quick internet research on orgasm and the brain.  Fascinating!

In this article, Kayt Sukel writes about her experience when she was asked to masturbate to orgasm while having an MRI so they could map the brain function.   It’s an interesting read because, you know, how often do we masturbate wearing a headmask and attached to wires with people watching?

~~ O, wait, that might actually be routine for some of us ~~

but for most people, that would be a bit stressful.  Some folks might even have difficulty cumming under those circumstances.

But our girl, Kayt, was able to do it.

I wouldn’t say it was one of my best, but, hey, in my humble opinion, it still qualified.

…I now had a great story if anyone ever asked me to name the strangest place I’ve ever had an orgasm. And I had helped science while doing it. Triumph for all parties concerned.

The results, as you can imagine, show a lot of brain activity.   Lots of dopamine ~ which most of us recognize as one of the neurotransmitters connected to pleasure.  For more information about dopamine, check out this article.  It is not as simple as we make it sound, but still – plenty of dopamine connected with orgasm.

The other hormone/neurotransmitter that gets released in great quantity is oxytocin.  Oxytocin is what I think of as the true “feel good” brain chemical.  Check out this article for a (relatively) scholarly look at oxytocin.

Greengirl says:

He’s been in a mood to make me come recently, frequently and spectacularly – i know – poor me…..  And after – he points out, “You needed that.”  And he’s right; I relax, I sleep, I calm down, I snuggle and I’m more all around pleasant to him.

And later she seems to think she should be more pleasant and helpful and submissive all the time, not just when she’s having frequent, spectacular orgasms .  But THIS article on oxytocin explains why it doesn’t work that way.

According to the article, oxytocin is “a love potion.”

Often referred to as the “love molecule”, oxytocin is typically associated with helping couples establish a greater sense of intimacy and attachment. Oxytocin, along with dopamine and norepinephrine, are believed to be highly critical in human pair-bonding.

Oxytocin reduces social fear.

Given its ability to break-down social barriers, induce feelings of optimism, increase self-esteem, and build trust, oxytocin is increasingly being seen as something that can help people overcome their social inhibitions and fears.

It can bring healing and pain-relief.

Amazingly, oxytocin can also be used to heal wounds (through its anti-inflammatory properties). Studies have also shown that a rise in oxytocin levels can relieve pain — everything from headaches, cramps and overall body aches.

Helps relieve stress.

Not surprisingly, given its ability to alleviate social anxiety and produce feelings of trust, oxytocin has the peripheral ability to reduce stress — which is no small thing when you consider the toll that stress takes on the body. Oxytocin has been observed to reduce cortisol in the body and lower blood pressure.

Increases generosity.

Evolutionary biologists, particularly those who subscribe to the selfish gene theory, have long struggled to understand why people sometimes share or give away things — often at a personal cost. But several lines of research have connected oxytocin to feelings of empathy. In one study that required persons to share money with a stranger, infusions of oxytocin were shown to make some subjects as much as 80% (wow!) more generous than those on a placebo.

And it helps make us human.

…oxytocin plays a crucial role in forging our ability to spark and maintain relationships, while endowing us with the ability to empathize, trust, and even love one another. Without it, we would be something significantly less than what we are.

So all that explains why it’s easier for Greengirl to be a wonderful partner and submissive when she’s having frequent orgasms.  But there’s one more benefit for her.  Gg started her post, as she often does, talking about her tendency to “overthink.”  According to an article on the neurobiology of bliss,

Bliss, both sacred and profane, shares the diminution of self-awareness, alterations in bodily perception and decreased sense of pain.*

…Absence of pain is predictably akin to pleasure, but the other two—losing a sense of identity and of bodily limits—are less obvious. Self-awareness, apparently, is no picnic. William James described the self as that kernel of consciousness that persists throughout various experiences and sensations. The self is divided between the stream of consciousness and an internal observer—except in those rare moments when we dissolve into mysticism.

…Self-awareness exists as a running critique organizing conscious experience. Telling stories to ourselves (often about ourselves) is the cognitive default.

Escaping continual self-observation seems an underappreciated pleasure. Roy Baumeister wrote an entire book devoted to the premise that self-awareness is frequently a burden…

Without quoting the whole article, it seems that orgasm ~ and the accompanying increase of oxytocin ~ allow us to let go of that self-focus and the little voice inside that is always explaining and pondering and often criticizing.

So if there is a message here for Gg – nope, i started to express my “what she should do” but i won’t.  Either it comes together for her or it doesn’t, and i may be wrong in what i’m thinking.

But it seems clear that scientifically speaking, more orgasms lead to better mental health, better relationships, and more happily submissive girls and boys.  Just saying…


*Bold emphasis is mine.

Yep, still alive..

…Just got ate up with vanilla.


For my seriously grammatical friends, i’ll add that “ate up with” is a colloquialism meaning many things, but in this case it means “interested in to the point of obsession,” or “consumed by.”

Here’s the long version:



“Ate Up” essentially has many different meanings, such as other words we use. Some interpret the meaning as “Interested, to the point of near obsession”. It also can mean strange, stupid; or weird. It’s also a military slang used to describe a soldier who lacks organizational skills, which is partially interchangeable with soup. Soup sandwich typically is used for more serious levels of unsatisfactory performance, while ate up is used more frequently. “Man, I haven’t been hungry all day. I’m too ate up from last night.” It can also mean crazy or insane. It is an adjective describing obsessive or eccentric behavior. In reference to a person’s rational behavior as “eaten” or consumed. Could be referring to someone who is saying something stupid, but its funny as hell. And it’s also described as being burnt out or exhausted from the use of illegal drugs, usually ecstasy.

But Sir was sick after our out of town trip, and i was busy trying not to be sick, and then i was sick and ~ you know how that goes.  It’s hard to get back in the groove.  But we are busy and happy and just still kinky enough to keep me happy.

And i’ll be blogging regularly again, i’m sure.  In the meantime, just in case you’ve missed it, is the trailer for Fifty Shades of Grey.


I think it looks pretty good – but i do NOT understand how this trailer was approved for all audiences.  REALLY?

No.  Just no.



Where Have i Been?

i just got through reading Lil’s post here about some kerfuffle in blogworld (apparently in the DD category?) and i know nothing about it.  So of course i’m curious.  Who lied and what was it about and how did they get caught?  Enquiring minds want to know…

{If you know who it was and/or what happened, feel free to comment it, or PM me or email me at  I know, it’s not any of my business, and i don’t like to be in the middle of drama, but i don’t like to be in the dark either…}

And of course, as i read Lil’s post, i had to check myself.  Am i honest here?  Could i be deceiving people?

Well, if i’ve given you the impression that it’s all whips and chains at my house, or that Sir and i are just living happily ever after in D/s bliss, then you’ve been led astray.  i don’t think i’ve given that impression, but you never know.  And there are things i don’t share here, because it’s not really your business.

Sometimes, i write a fantasy that sounds like it could be true.  But i always mark my “fantasy” in the categories, so if you watch for that, you won’t be confused.

Other than that, i pretty much am who i am, and ‘nilla and fiona and jz and a few others can vouch for me, so there’s that.  i’ve been really lucky to have gotten to know some bloggers irl, and know that they are for real too.

i don’t worry a whole lot about how “real” someone’s stories are though.  This is the blogoshpere, we’re all here for our own reasons, and it’s good to take many things with a grain of salt.   But then most of my kink life has started on-line, so i know there’s a lot of reality out there.

How about you?  What’s your experience been like?


Jenna’s Toy Box

i know, you’re wondering who  Jenna is and what her toy box is doing in my blog.  Well.

Sir and i left town for the weekend.

Last night, we went exploring.  Found a place to eat dinner.  Didn’t find a place to buy a bottle of wine.  Found an adult store.


He wanted to go to this one:


But they were closed.  A few minutes later, He sees another one.

Jenna’s Toy Box.  There it is, in all its adult bookstore glory.  Um, toy store.  Toy store glory?  Whatever.

It’s deserted.  i guess most people have other stuff to do on the Fourth of July.  But Sir is shopping for our own personal fireworks.  {giggling…}

No pictures of this place, it’s just a rectangular box, no windows.  We make our way in, through the back door, feeling sleazy.  The clerk on duty barely glances up as we wander past the rows of videos.

Sir wants to know if there’s anything that appeals to me.  We’re standing in one of the (many) rows of dildos and vibrators and other cock-like things.

Um, no, no Sir, not in particular.  {blushing just a bit…}  Actually, i was kind of looking for one like the very first one i ever had, which disappeared from my underwear drawer mysteriously a long time ago.  i didn’t see one like it.

So we wander the aisles, and Sir asks me some more questions.  Like, which of these nipple clamps do you think we should get?  i think, none of them, but i pick up one set, “um, maybe these?”  And he scoffs, “Noooo, those are like the ones I’ve already got!”

Um, yes, Sir, what’s wrong with that?  But no, he buys these.



And then, we’re in the butt plug aisle and He’s enthusiastically pointing out different options, while i blush and giggle and assure Him we don’t need any of those, no really, Sir, we don’t.

But he pays no attention to my protests.  With great delight, He says, “O, look!  This is for beginners!  That’s you, right?”

i nod, um, yes, Sir, definitely.  “But we really don’t need that Sir…”

“Would you rather I get a bigger one?”  He asks.  “Ok, maybe you’re not a beginner,” He shrugs and reaches for another one ~~

~~ and i say, “O, wait, no, yes, yes, Sir, i am a beginner!  Yes, i really am,” giggling again, and he says,

“So you do want this one,” and i can only agree.



And we get some lube.  i am totally in favor of that.

This morning, He wants to know if i’ve been experimenting with the nipple clamps.

“No, Sir.”

“Well, don’t you want to know how they feel?  Aren’t you curious?’

“Um, no, Sir, actually i don’t think i want to know.  No need to torture myself ahead of time.”

He smiles, that sweet Domly smile, and says matter-of-factly, “Ok, so when I put them on you, I’ll use the gag to muffle your moans.”

i gasp, “Sir!” and start giggling.

“What?  That’s what the gag’s for, right?  And you know your eyes are gonna get real big when i put those on, and you’ll go like this,” and He does His imitation of me in sudden shock and pain.  Nice.

i giggle.

It is simply perverse that this makes me hot…

But ~ But ~

So i thought i had it pretty well figured out.   Sir was only letting me have 7/8th orgasms, so i quit asking.  Why torture myself needlessly?

Then He decided i could have a full orgasm ONLY if i’d already done a 7/8th orgasm at least once previously.  Perfect.

After my lovely orgasm the other day, i was ready for more.

i asked for permission to do a 7/8th and got that approval.

i did that one.

Then, last night, i asked for permission for a full orgasm.

“Did you do your 7/8th?” He asked.

“Yes, Sir, i did it Monday.”

“You didn’t tell me you did.”

“Um, no,” on shakier ground now, “No, Sir, i didn’t know i was s’posed to.”

“Well of course you’re supposed to!   Next time, make sure you tell me.”

“Yes, Sir!  i will, for sure!”

“So you think you want an orgasm tonight?”

“Yes, Sir!  Pleeeeeze…”

He nods.  “Ok, yes you may!”


And i was gonna.  i was totally starting some dark fantasy in my head, drifting, starting to touch…

…and i fell asleep.

Not even a 7/8th orgasm to claim.

But tonight ~ right?


Sir says no.  But ~ but ~

~ apparently that orgasm expired last night.   No one told me the clock was ticking, but ~

~ it doesn’t matter.  Gone.  Poof.


Gone.  Just like dust in the wind.