Category Archives: Lady Elsa’s questions

Lady Elsa Questions ~ Level Three

At last, i’m coming back to answer more of Lady Elsa’s questions.

Level 3: Other Relationships. Who decides in what ways each of you will be allowed to interact with other people, as friends, sex partners, lovers, or family? Note that it may be different for each of those types of relationships.

1.  {IRL} – We have agreed to be monogamous, so neither of us have other lovers.  Other than that, we both interact with whomever we want to, however we want to.

We have a shared calendar that i put my schedule on ~ not client names, of course, but other things.  i don’t think he pays much attention to it, but He can if He wants to.  He doesn’t put any of his activities on the calendar, but He’ll let me know if He’s going to play pool with His friends or whatever.   i guess i’m in charge of our social life ~ i’m almost always the one asking if He wants to go to this potluck or that meeting ~ but He decides if He’s going or not, of course.

2.  {IMD}  i’m fine with the way things are.  i think Fury’s idea of setting aside time to touch base on our relationship is a great idea, and i’ll suggest it.

Level Two Question from Lady Elsa

Level 2: Your Relationship. Who decides how much time you will spend together and what you will do with that time? Who assigns the labels, if any? Who decides when you will move to the next level of commitment? Who decides when the current dynamic isn’t working and needs tweaking?

1.  {IRL}  i guess we both decide how much time we spend together and how we use the time.  We both work at home in the evening often, companionably together.  i can suggest we do something different, and He may or may not agree to do it with me, but He doesn’t tell me i can’t do whatever it is i want to do.  So, for example, there could be a workshop or lecture or gathering that i would like for us to go to.  i tell Him about it, and invite Him to come.  He may or may not agree to attend, but even if He doesn’t go, He won’t mind if i go.  If it’s something that i feel comfortable going to by myself, then i’ll do it.  When we’re both at home, He has the option to decide what we do with our time, but He doesn’t usually tell me what to do.

Our level of commitment isn’t likely to change ~ neither of us wants to get married ~ and we both intend to stay together monogamously.  i am not collared, and if He wanted to collar me, He’d be the one to initiate that and lead us through some conversation about what that would mean.   i don’t think He feels a need or a desire to do that.

As for deciding our dynamic needs tweaking ~ um, i can decide that all day long, and can share those thoughts with Him.  But that’s about all i can do.  Whether or not anything changes, and how it changes, is apparently up to Him.  Clearly up to Him.  i guess i could nag and bitch and try to push Him to make changes, but He’s a fairly stubborn man pretty solidly who He is.  He would listen and express understanding and then do whatever He thinks is best.  i could elicit some reaction from Him at some point, i suppose, but it would probably not be the reaction i want.

2.  {IMD}  i think i would like it if He were more directive with my time, but i might just think that.  If it really happened, i might be less than thrilled.  What i would definitely like is for Him to tweak our relationship the way i want Him to.  To add more control, more ritual, more protocol, and more kink.  Yep.

And i guess if i could make Him do that, then He would no longer be the Dominant. If i could talk Him into doing it my way, then i’d be upset about topping from the bottom, and i’d never know if it was really what He wanted and that would just be a different set of problems.

Questions and Cookies…

So here we go, starting to answer Lady Elsa’s 8 questions.  I’m going to give two answers to each question.  One will be the IRL {in real life} answer, the other will be IMD {in my dreams}

The first question is:

Level 1: How You Live.Who steers the overall course of your lives? Who decides where each of you will live, how each of you will be educated, and what each of you will do for a living? Who has decision-making authority over money, major purchases (house, car, boat), and vacations?

1.  {IRL}  Sir and i have only been together a few years, and neither of us is exactly young ~ well, you know, we’re young at heart, but not in years.   i already owned a house when we met, and He was renting, so it made sense that when we started living together, He moved into my house.  We both have careers that are satisfying and we’re both financially stable.   So there wasn’t any need for a lot of management, and honestly, if He had started telling me to make changes ~ to sell my house or change careers or even give Him access to my finances, i would have thought that was a huge red flag, and would probably have ended the relationship.

In terms of vacation, a lot of that is determined by the fact that my daughter lives very far away, and in a place that, as it turns out, Sir enjoys visiting.  If he hadn’t enjoyed it, i’m not sure what we would have done, although i think i probably would have gone by myself.  Sir also has adult children, and i think we agree that each of needs to make decisions about the relationships with our kids ourselves.

i had to buy a new car last year, and He helped guide that decision making process, but it was still my decision {and my car payment.}  Obviously, if we decided to buy a new house, i think we would come to an agreement together.  i can’t imagine Him insisting that we buy a house unless we both liked it.  i have no idea what i’d do if we ended up in that situation and He wanted to insist on picking a house i hated ~ because He just wouldn’t do that.  So overall, we are pretty autonomous on this level.

2.  {IMD}  In my dreams, it’s about the same.  i don’t feel like i need guidance in these areas, and i don’t think He’s interested in changing the way i do these kinds of things. On the other hand, if He wanted to buy a new house, or a boat, i’d probably be easy to convince to do it, or at least really explore the idea.  i don’t know if that’s because i’m pretty easy to get along with, or because i’m just that submissive.  How do you know the difference?



This announcement is from Jz at A Reluctant Bitch.  She says:

Tuesday, Dec. 10, 2014 will be the Five Year Anniversary of the Great Online Cookie Exchange Extravaganza … (the crowd cheers)… and we’d love for you to join us in the fun! 

The rules are simple. Just post a recipe for a holiday goodie on Tuesday, Dec. 10, 2014.

(The name isn’t strictly accurate. We welcome all types of goodies.)

Anyone is welcome to join in … but

    There’s One Condition:

If you want your blog to show up in the official list of participant links, you MUST contact me (Jz) by Monday, Dec. 9, with both your name and the URL of your blog.