Monthly Archives: May 2015

Those Pesky Feelings

So my Dad died last weekend – I got the phone call right afterwards, letting me know – and we’re heading out to the funeral today.  The actual funeral will be tomorrow, and I’m going to see some half-sibs who I haven’t seen since they were pretty young.

You would think I’d be having some feelings, right?  I mean, death of a parent, conversations with the siblings that spent the last 40  or 50 years with him, it would be reasonable to expect feelings.  But I’m fine.  No, really.  Fine.

Until this morning when I couldn’t find my clean sheets to put out for the housekeeper.  I knew I had washed them and put them in the dryer, and after that, they had apparently completely frigging disappeared.  I was sure Sir had taken them out when he put his clothes in the dryer.  He didn’t remember doing it.  I thought I’d seen them in a basket.  He didn’t know.

We searched high and low.  No frigging sheets to be found.

And i wanted to cry – sob – throw myself on the ground and rage.  WHERE ARE MY FUCKING SHEETS???!!!!

No, I didn’t do that.  I just noticed the urge to.  i resisted the temptation to snap at Sir, even though i was secretly convinced he must have hidden them.   {WHERE ARE MY FUCKING SHEETS???  I WANT MY SHEETS!!!!!}

No, i knew he didn’t hide them.  And even when i said, I guess someone broke in and frigging stole them – ok – yes, i knew that was also not true.  Or not likely anyhow.

But I NEED MY SHEETS!!!  I NEED THEM NOW!!!  WHERE ARE THEY?????  Screaming in my head… And i could picture myself, throwing myself to the ground, sobbing angrily, GIVE ME MY SHEETS, that’s all i want is my frigging SHEETS, why can’t i have my sheets????

i know, it’s funny isn’t it?  No feelings about Dad, who’s been MIA, more or less, for ages and now is actually gone.  No feelings about the half-sibs or the step-mother, who i barely know, or the trip to his hometown, where my grandmother used to live, or the funeral.

Lots of feelings about the stupid sheets.  Which ~ as it turned out ~ were hiding in the frigging dryer all along.