Monthly Archives: February 2014

Not Quite sofia

Sofia was a submissive woman, in a relationship with her Dom, in love with her Dom, curious about how the relationship would evolve and grow.

The woman writing this post is in a relationship with the same person, and still in love and still happy most of the time.  But.   She is not – i am not – in a D/s relationship.

So i’m not quite sofia anymore.

It just quit happening ~ the Domming ~ and didn’t start back up.  i got a birthday spanking last week, there was that.  A spanking generally turns me on and can be a nice warm-up for sex.   But a spanking once every four or five months feels just barely kinky, and there’s no sense of being submissive for me.

Yes, He knows that i miss it and need it.  Yes, i have told Him, and He acknowledges it.  And that’s all.

I guess i’m ok.  You know.  i feel like i’ve lost part of myself, but the rest of me is fine.  {No, really, it’s ok, i didn’t need that leg anyhow…}

i read your blogs ~ the ones that are kinky and the ones that aren’t so much ~ and enjoy them.  i don’t comment because i’m hardly ever signed in as sofia.  Cause you know, i’m not quite her anyhow.

i’ve been really enjoying Sin’s blog, and Jz’s, and of course Beatrice and ‘nilla and abby and so many others.  Sigh.  i just can’t muster the energy to sign out as vanilla me, and sign in again to comment, knowing that i’ll need to sign back out immediately and back in AGAIN as the other me.  Yeah.  Just too much trouble.

Most of the time, i’m perfectly happy.  It’s just when i think about what i’ve lost ~ well, it just makes me sad for a little bit.  Then i shake it off and go on.  Sometimes i eat some ice cream first, or three bowls of cereal.  Cause that’s helpful.  {Not.}

i guess this is what my submission has become ~ accepting that Sir is not going to act as my Sir, is not going to be a Dom to me.  He says ~ or implies ~ that He still wants to, but actions speak louder.

And i love Him, and i’m mostly always happy with Him!  That’s what sucks, in a way.  i don’t ever want anyone else.  And i guess i don’t need to be Dommed.  But i miss it so much.

i know, i could write some fantasies.  Just don’t want to.  Don’t feel like it.

Anyhow.  This is what’s going on with me, thought i’d stop by and let you know.   i don’t want to convince myself that i’m so ok that it’s not a loss.  i need to mourn it a bit from time to time.

Gotta go get dressed ~ got an on-line meeting this morning for work.  Y’all take care.