I started this blog three years ago.

Sir and i were deeply in love, and i thought we were beginning our story of growing into  our D/s roles more deeply.  With some reluctance, i left a blog that had chronicled my journey up til then.

i left a community that i loved.  i didn’t leave the community because of Sir, but i felt ok about leaving the community because i thought Sir and i were going to have our own world of kink.

Three years later, i’m accepting the reality that we are not going to have that relationship.  Something happened yesterday that really brought that fact home to me. My efforts to reach out across the barriers between us have not been successful.  He doesn’t want to lose me, and he cares for me, but right now he’s not able to put his energy into building our relationship.  And for the last couple of years, he hasn’t been willing to do it.

i love this man with a deep, abiding affection.  But if i try to get my need to be dominated, or my need to be soundly spanked, with him, it is not going to happen.

Today, i accept that.

It’s ok.  It’s not his fault, it’s not my fault.  Things just are the way they are.

So i’m walking away from this blog. This was the blog of our D/s journey, and it’s done.  i’m not leaving him, not leaving my relationship with him.  But he’s not my Sir anymore.

Yes, i’ve told him this.

There will be a new blog.  i will be trying to figure out what the hell i do now.  It may involve some on-line relationships.  i just don’t know.

i feel as if a great weight has been lifted off me.

Once i have the new blog, i’ll come back and post the link, although i don’t know if i’ll leave it up indefinitely.  We’ll see. But that way, anyone who “follows” this blog will have it.

i’ve practically quit reading blogs, it’s made me feel sad, so i avoided a lot.   i imagine i’ll be reading more from here on out.  i look forward to that.

And i love you guys.  ❤


23 thoughts on “Acceptance

  1. Cinn

    We all come to our own conclusions… And the love of a good man in whatever form is worth far more than just kink

    Hugs and love ❤️💋

  2. jadescastle

    holding you in the light, as always. i can hardly put into words how much i wish i could just sit with you right now. So i’m holding space. You have my number, if you need to talk or text. ❤

    1. sofia Post author

      Thanks, Jade, i appreciate that so much. And i feel ok now. Much better than i did when i was trying to make my relationship something it won’t be. But yes. i will absolutely reach out if i need to. Thank you. ❤

  3. Kia

    This is a very brave and difficult step. Best of luck with the new path in your journey- I am sure you will find plenty of support in whatever direction you take. I am looking forward to hearing all about it.

  4. Ashley

    I am sorry to hear this. I agree the relationship is much more important than the Kink, the KINK is just the icing. I really hope it all works out for you and you are so very happy.

  5. Jz

    I’m sorry it couldn’t work out the way you’d dreamed of, but I’m very glad to see you stop beating your head against a brick wall. Change is never easy but it can lead to great things.
    And you still have love – which in my mind is even more important than kink – so you’re not completely empty-handed as you forge ahead on a new path.

  6. abby

    This is not the end of your journey…endings and new beginnings are part of life…a difficult part…but sounds like you been through the hardest part…..good luck…and glad to hear we will be accompanying you on the new journety..
    hugs abby

  7. vanillamom

    Hugs, my friend, spirit sister. I’m glad the weight is off your shoulders, that you’re feeling …freer. You sound lighter. Wishing you find all that brings you joy as your journey continues on.

    Deep love,


    1. sofia

      Thanks, ‘nilla, you know how much i appreciate that! And i know you probably have your own thoughts about it since you know him too, so it means a lot to me that you’re ok with my shift in plans.

  8. It Is What It Is

    Sounds like you have a great relationship, except for that one little thing. It’s hard, to let go of a piece of yourself that brings you happiness. But, it’s harder letting go of the other 99% that ultimately keeps you happy. We all have our deal breakers, and how much we are willing to give up before we make a choice. Follow your heart, it will lead you to the right path.


    1. sofia

      You’re exactly right – it’s such a tough decision! And i do feel better for accepting what is and honoring the truth. Thanks for the support.

    1. sofia

      Omigoodness, you have no idea how much I wish you lived closer!! It would just be lovely to be able to sit down and talk with you. Yep, with coffee and hugs… Thanks, monkey.

  9. faithfulreader2

    Acceptance is a good thing. I had to do same once “Master” returned from deployment but we are stronger than before , different but definitely stronger. Looking forward to reading about your new journey.


  10. shygirl

    Sometimes the hardest, and BEST, thing is to let go of how we WANT things to be and work with what he have. I’m glad you feel lighter… letting go of ideas, or people (for me), is a mixed bag of feelings. I have to mourn the loss before I feel freer. Whoops… didn’t mean to make this about me.
    Starting a new journey will lead to lovely places, I am sure.

    1. sofia

      Thanks for commenting!! i think you’re right about needing to mourn, but for now, i’ve already done enough of that! i hope you’re right about “lovely places”


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