I started this blog three years ago.
Sir and i were deeply in love, and i thought we were beginning our story of growing into our D/s roles more deeply. With some reluctance, i left a blog that had chronicled my journey up til then.
i left a community that i loved. i didn’t leave the community because of Sir, but i felt ok about leaving the community because i thought Sir and i were going to have our own world of kink.
Three years later, i’m accepting the reality that we are not going to have that relationship. Something happened yesterday that really brought that fact home to me. My efforts to reach out across the barriers between us have not been successful. He doesn’t want to lose me, and he cares for me, but right now he’s not able to put his energy into building our relationship. And for the last couple of years, he hasn’t been willing to do it.
i love this man with a deep, abiding affection. But if i try to get my need to be dominated, or my need to be soundly spanked, with him, it is not going to happen.
Today, i accept that.
It’s ok. It’s not his fault, it’s not my fault. Things just are the way they are.
So i’m walking away from this blog. This was the blog of our D/s journey, and it’s done. i’m not leaving him, not leaving my relationship with him. But he’s not my Sir anymore.
Yes, i’ve told him this.
There will be a new blog. i will be trying to figure out what the hell i do now. It may involve some on-line relationships. i just don’t know.
i feel as if a great weight has been lifted off me.
Once i have the new blog, i’ll come back and post the link, although i don’t know if i’ll leave it up indefinitely. We’ll see. But that way, anyone who “follows” this blog will have it.
i’ve practically quit reading blogs, it’s made me feel sad, so i avoided a lot. i imagine i’ll be reading more from here on out. i look forward to that.
And i love you guys. ❤