Monthly Archives: September 2013

The Lucky Two Percent…

i was just reading an article in The New York Times called “I’ll Have What She’s Thinking.”  It’s about research they’ve done with brain scans to investigate the idea of some women having orgasms based on their own fantasies.

Big surprise ~ yes!  It can be done.  This is not really news to us in the kinky world of course.   But it’s not really news to science either.  The article says:

The investigations began more than a century ago as physicians described what some called psychic coitus.

On the Upper East Side of Manhattan, at the Metropolitan Dispensary and Hospital for Women and Children, the chief physician, T. J. McGillicuddy, issued a warning in “Functional Disorders of the Nervous System in Women,” published in 1896. He said “involuntary orgasms” from erotic thoughts could lower a woman’s vital energies and “cause melancholia and mental weakness.”

As a cure, he recommended hard mattresses and cold sponge baths.

Of course, that “cure” would discourage people from talking about the experience, right?  Despite that disincentive:

Surveys revealed that the phenomenon, while rare, nonetheless seemed to occur with some regularity. In 1948, Alfred C. Kinsey of Indiana University and his colleagues published “Sexual Behavior in the Human Male.” That groundbreaking study looked at thousands of cases but noted only two in which men “could reach climax by deliberate concentration of thought on erotic situations.”

But the team’s follow-up report on women, published in 1953, surveyed 2,727 women, and the researchers found that 2 percent of the interviewees — 54 women — reported an ability to reach orgasm by “fantasy alone.”

That’s pretty cool, isn’t it?  I wonder if the stats are higher for those of us in the BDSM community.  Now there’s another study just waiting to happen!

This article also reminds me that my libido is still way down, and it would be nice to boost that a bit.  Maybe i should be reading that book on Tantric Sex instead of just looking at it on my shelf…

Out of the Habit

i think i have gotten out of the habit of serving Him well.  In all the craziness, all the hustle and bustle of our lives these last months, i’ve just slipped away from some things.

Giving Him my full attention ~ that’s has not happened as much, and sometimes it’s because i can’t, because there are children or grandchildren (his or mine) or work things that have to be done, have to be attended to.  And so i got out of the habit of turning my mind, turning my attention, to Him completely when He talks or when He touches me.

That’s not something He asks for ~ i don’t think it would occur to Him.  It’s something i want to give Him because He’s important to me, and i treasure Him.  i can do that with  or without kink, give Him my full attention whenever possible.

Then i asked Him for help yesterday.  Just saying that makes me feel funny.  Yu know i hate asking for help more than just about anything ~ even though i know better, even though i’ve been working on overcoming that for years now.

But i asked Him, and of course He’s going to help.

i’ve been overeating, eating too many sweets, too many carbs.  i haven’t gained back the weight i lost a few months ago, but i haven’t lost any more, and i’m bouncing around the “about to gain some back” mark.  And not feeling good about myself.

Really, i just confessed how i felt, and said i didn’t know if He could help, but i just needed to tell Him how i felt.  We’ve talked about it, and i feel less ashamed than i did, which is nice.

He’s not going to control my eating or anything like that, i think He is just going to be more open in paying attention to it.  i’m starting the 17 Day diet again on Tuesday (because it’s the 1st) and we’ll see how that goes.  i’m glad i told Him.

My Opinion – Just for the Record

‘Real Housewife’ Melissa Gorga’s New Book Advocates Marital Rape according to this blog post in Jezebel.   Based on the quotes from the book, that’s right.  For example:

His style was to make corrections and to teach me from the beginning days of our marriage exactly how he envisioned our life together. Joe always says, “You got to teach someone to walk straight on the knife. If you slip, you’re going to get cut.” Even if something didn’t bother him that badly, he’d bring it up. He wanted to make sure that I knew, for example, if I ran out to CVS and he came home from work to an empty house, he didn’t like it. He’d call me and say, “I don’t care if you’re out all day long. But I don’t want to come home to an empty house.”

A “Joement” on equality:

To be on the same level, everyone has to get off the high horse. I don’t care if the woman makes more money than the man, if he’s a janitor and she’s the president. After a fourteen-hour workday, if a man comes home and there’s no dinner on the table, and his wife is on the phone, watching TV, or on the computer ignoring him, he won’t feel respected.

It sounds to me like Melissa Gorga is a slave and her husband is her Master.  Nothing wrong with that.  If you’ve consented to be in a Master/slave relationship, that’s great.  It would be nice if you called it what it is, but you don’t have to.

However.  If the you’re selling the idea that everyone should have an M/s relationship just like the one you have, that’s ridiculous.   Dommes and male submissives and Doms who are not Neanderthals and vanilla folks and many of us living the wide variety of D/s that exists everywhere – we are all completely overlooked here.

Ms. Gorga’s husband shares this bit of “wisdom”

Men, I know you think your woman isn’t the type who wants to be taken. But trust me, she is. Every girl wants to get her hair pulled once in a while. If your wife says “no,” turn her around, and rip her clothes off. She wants to be dominated.

Without consent, um, that’s rape.

He adds:

Women don’t realize how easy men are. Just give us what we want.

That view of men and what they need makes me sad.  Many men are more than sexually demanding, emotionally immature brats.

Crap like this book also makes it more difficult for BDSM to be accepted.  i hate that.


Lately, when we’re going to bed, and we’re going to have the house to ourselves overnight, He fastens one end of a rope around my ankle.   He ties the other end securely to an object in the bedroom, as if he were tethering me.  Well, i guess actually He is…


i lie on my side, because that’s just how i sleep.

When He comes to bed, whether that’s right away or much later, He lies on His side behind me.  He grasps both my wrists in one hand, and He says, “You belong to me.”

i snuggle closer to Him with a contented sigh.  Usually, i say, “Yes, Sir, i do.”  Tonight, i add, “i always have belonged to you.  It just took me a long time to find you.”

i don’t even know what that meant, exactly.  But it’s true.

At His Feet

We were alone in the house last night.  i got home late from work, tired, and Sir was tired too. So we were sitting side-by-side in the study, as we do, about ready for bed.

Then, “Watch this,” He says.  “This is what I was telling you about.”

The video is about the boat schools in Bangladesh.  He’d learned about them the day before, while he was researching solar panels as an energy source.  He’s fascinated by the impact the boat schools and solar energy are having on people in Bangladesh, and it is amazingly cool.

So I’m watching the brief video, and He’s explaining more about it, and I’m suddenly flooded with a rush of love for this man, my Sir, who is so excited about this, who is such a good person, who takes care of me in so many ways…

…and i’m overwhelmed with a need to sit at His feet.

So i do, i slip off my chair and settle myself at His feet to finish watching the video.

He strokes my hair, and i feel safe and happy.

When the video is over, He lets me take His shoes off.  It feels good to do it.

We go to bed soon after that ~ this is not a story of being thoroughly spanked and used.  i just sat at His feet and took His shoes off.

When i remember that today, i feel good.  i’ll carry that feeling with me today.


Today, i’m going to take it easy.

All i’m going to do is buy a new refrigerator, babysit for a little while this morning, write a proposal for a workshop that’s due on Monday, and babysit for a while tonight.    Yep.  That’s it – i’m not doing anything else.

Oh, well, wait, a blog post for my vanilla blog, yeah, i need to do that.  And do something about the chaos and clutter that’s in my so-called living room.  And exercise.  And do laundry so i’ll have clothes to wear next week.

But that’s it.  i’m not doing anything else today.

Although, hmmmm, a nap would be nice.  Do you think i can work a nap in there somewhere?

The 5 Minute Post

i literally have 5 minutes til my next thing to do, and am brewing a cup of tea, thought i’d stop off and say “Hi,” in my own blog.

i’m feeling more solid than i was, less off-center.  i think i will be ok, and that Sir and i will be ok.

i’ve never known anyone like Him.  i guess sometimes my history of difficult relationship comes back to haunt me, and maybe i expect him to be like other people were and start reading into stuff.  Yeah.  i might do that.

And that’s ok.  i have my history, and i learned a lot from it, and that’s ok.

i’m a little bit behind on comments these days, but i’ll get caught up, and i’m reading blogs, even if i don’t always comment – sin and andi and fiona and all of you who i dearly love.


(Mwhahahahahaha – yeah, that was me channeling 50 Shades!)