So Here’s a Question…

What if – and this is strictly hypothetical, ok?  What if your Dom wanted to demand that you be more romantic?  If he wanted to hold hands more, exchange tender kisses… go out for dinner… cuddle.

No that’s not what’s happening at my house, at least not exactly.  But what if it were?  Could a submissive girl make that work for her?  Could you?  What if he was really commanding about it?

Why or why not?  In 500 words or less, please…

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34 thoughts on “So Here’s a Question…

    1. sofia Post author

      Oh, right, Cara! I love cuddling too. But if that were his basic “what he wants” thing… Yeah, nothing wrong with cuddling. And thanks for commenting!!

      Reply
  1. Jz

    You’re talking as though romance and submission couldn’t possibly fit in the same relationship.
    Why on earth couldn’t they?
    Why would I be in a relationship where sweet kisses and cuddles weren’t already on my mind but rather, had to be specifically commanded?

    I cannot help but feel that this is somehow a trick question…

    Reply
    1. sofia Post author

      Yeah, Jz, not a trick question, but kind of a stupid question. What I meant was if those were the main things he wanted, would that be enough? And that’s a stupid question too.

      Reply
      1. Jz

        It’s not a stupid question at all.
        But it is a slightly different one than you originally asked. (Or from what I read as the question you originally asked, anyhow. I’ve been having trouble with my own filters lately – just ask ‘nilla…)

        Reply
  2. freeingexcalibur

    I’m in agreement with Jz. By being submissive I theiw myself into showing affection, tender kisses and so on. In my demonstrative way I shower M (my Dom) with my adoration. I thrive on it…. 😀

    Reply
      1. freeingexcalibur

        After reading other comments and your responses, I see where you are going and I understand your point of view. I think you are figuring out your needs and wants and I think that’s awesome!

        Reply
    1. sofia Post author

      Ok, that’s cool, Abby, so you see some kind of split there too? I think both is the “right” answer too, at least for me. It’s not really a very good question, I got all impulsive with posting it. Thanks for commenting.

      Reply
  3. vanillamom

    Wow…well…hmmmm…I suppose that if it is what He wants, then as His submissive, I’d have to. Which brings up a ton more questions (which is unfair to you, I grok)…am I going to be romantic *forever*? Because being cuddly romantic is NOT my mindset. Not only in D/s. While I like hugs and kisses and sweetness–I don’t like holding hands, or having someone draped over me in a “oh I love you and just want to cuddle you” way. No. I hate that, actually. So making me be romantic? Would be an act of total dominance.

    nilla

    Reply
    1. sofia Post author

      That’s kind of great, ‘nilla! Thanks for that answer. I like cuddles, but now that I think about it, I wouldn’t like “draped over me” either.

      Reply
  4. Anon

    I may be the odd one out, for me, I like my M/s served cold, in fact need it too. He does not cuddle, hold my hand, and rarely kisses me. I am not a cold fish by the way, lol, far from it. I always hug/kiss my friends/family hello etc. He is my Master, end of, not my lover, best friend or partner. Absolutely romance and D/s can mix, but for me, it would be a deal breaker eventually, I would obey him, but ultimately, I would loose my enslavement and bond to him as my Master.

    Reply
    1. sofia Post author

      Thanks, Anon. I think I like that element of coldness too, on some level. At least at times. But then I wouldn’t want it all the time. Damn, it’s confusing. But thanks for commenting!!

      Reply
  5. ancilla ksst

    We are already very much into that already. Demanding more would not be a problem for me either, but we already kiss and hug a lot, cuddle on the couch, hold hands when we drive etc. There are few hearts and flowers, and fewer love poems, but there is a lot of romantic physical affection.

    Reply
  6. Twiggs

    It is happening to this sub. My Dom can be quite romantic, buys me flowers, holds my hand, is very affectionate and is open about how much He needs me. And I like it. I feel valued and free to express how much I value Him. I have the right to just touch and kiss Him when no one else does because He likes it. But there is a hint of possession about His romance, subtle displays of ownership and control in all things. His hand holding is firm and protective – He always walks road side on the sidewalk, will switch hands to make sure this is the case, so that were there a mad driver coming down the road it would be Him that’s hit. I find that amusing, and illogical, but He’s in charge, so I always walk building side.
    Small things say so much
    Twiglet

    Reply
  7. KneelingDaughter

    I think that if the submissive can’t bring herself to act like a person in a relationship (loving actions, etc.) then her submission is not in question, but there might be some reconsidering of the basic ideologies of this relationship. I don’t know, maybe it’s right, maybe it’s wrong, but hopefully if can show you a different view of your question!

    Reply
    1. sofia Post author

      Thanks for commenting,Kneeling Daughter. No, it’s not that I don’t like to do those things – i do!! But I can see why it sounded like that’s what i was saying. No, that would be strange. 🙂

      Reply
  8. ytysreloaded

    I read this post and then took the night to think about it. Because I am no longer in what I consider a D/s relationship and as long as I am in this relationship I won’t ever be. I’ve been faced with the same struggle you have been experiencing these months.

    Theoretically I could say, yes. If my D requested that we spend more romantic time together I could do that. If that was the only power exchange we shared then no. My submissive needs are not being met.

    If I make it a point to share with my D that my needs are not being met. Not just presenting the problem, but also a solution, I feel I have done my part as a submissive to share with him that things are not working.

    I also understand that everyone’s needs change over the course of time. Our situations are also different. But I’ve given up on my D/s relationship. I have no room to continue mourning the lack of its presence. Some days I feel loss, most days I don’t think about it, on the days I do it slams into me and I get angry. I suppose you can make anything “work for you” if you wanted it too.

    Reply
  9. vanillamom

    Sofia. ..this wasn’t a “stupid” question at all. . I’ve very much enjoyed reading the variety in the responses. So many ways. .none wrong. ..all interesting.

    Nilla

    Reply
    1. sofia Post author

      I know – it has turned out to be an interesting discussion, hasn’t it, nilla? i was just thinking the same thing. So many interesting people in the D/s community. i need to blog more often….

      Reply
  10. girl

    coming very late to the discussion…
    I think that if you are with someone and they change completely, into someone you didn’t choose, and might not have wanted, it’s realistic to re-evaluate what you do want, and whether you want them.

    Reply
    1. sofia Post author

      Yeah. I think you’re right, girl, and thanks for saying that. In fact, i think we need to re-evaluate when that happens so we can make a decision that’s based on reality. Thanks.

      Reply
  11. Kia

    Please excuse another, even later, joiner in- I’d been thinking much about this post for the last several days (and the issue for the last several months) that it didn’t seem fair to not chime in and thank you for the discussion.

    For me, I find it difficult to be cuddly/romantic in most circumstances (no idea why, but that’s another topic entirely). It’s just not something I’ve ever been terribly comfortable with. However, with a trusted partner, I can see it as a sign of devotion and submission, which can help me feel safer and more comfortable. However, for me this needs at least a touch of a D/s dynamic to work. Would the stern order to be cuddly be enough? A firm hug from which one cannot easily escape? Quite possibly, though it would require experimentation and discussion. . . which could be quite fun in itself.

    Reply
  12. Wordwytch

    Wolf asking ME to be more romantic? teeheeheeheeeheeheeeeee! Oh yeah. So not happening. Why? Because it’s ME who usually askes HIM to be more romantic. Wolf is an engineer. A to the bone and in every fiber engineer. The most romantic thing we’ve done lately was go see The Martian, where he and another geeky engineer talked through most of it. sigh…

    Wolf would never ask, as it would never occur to him. sigh..

    Reply

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