“To serve is beautiful, but only if it is done with joy and a whole heart and a free mind.”
~~ Pearl S Buck
I remember that lovely feeling. It washed over me today, with a rush of sorrow right behind it.
I told Sir that – how sometimes I just get this rush of grief for the loss of the BDSM component of our relationship. I was fixing his coffee at the time, and he lifted my hair out of the way to kiss the back of my neck.
He texts me later – we’ll talk tonight. It’s ok. I’m open to talking, but I’m working on acceptance, not looking for change. Finding my zen.
No, I don’t want to leave him. No, I don’t think I want to look for someone else to Dom me.
But I’m not willing to not mention what I’m feeling and thinking. I’m tired of eating my feelings. Not willing to do it any more. If I want ice cream, it will be for fun, not for consolation.