i had a chance to go to a conference this month, and i jumped on the opportunity.
i’m flying to the venue, which seemed kind of exciting. And then i looked at my tickets again today, and i think i made some really poor choices booking it, and —
–that reminds me that traveling by myself is scary and i don’t really like it and i could end up stranded halfway there on the way, and on the way back too and —
What Was i Thinking???
i’m such a dumb ass. i didn’t have to do this, the conference, no one expected it, i just thought it sounded like a good idea.
No. Not a good idea, for real. Stupid.
i need to tell Sir what i’ve done and He’s not home right now but He’s going to be disappointed that i didn’t plan better. And i could have asked Him to look at my flights, and He would have seen what i missed and i could have done it differently. Now, it’s too late.
You have no idea how terrified i am now. i’ve gone from feeling competent and confident to sick at my stomach and shaky and scared. i want to stay home. i don’t want to go.
It’s not just that i might end up stranded at an airport, it’s that now i can’t trust myself. If i can fuck this up so royally, what else might i mess up? i don’t wanna go. i just want to stay home and be safe.
But now i have to go. i can’t waste the travel money. i can’t call in sick.
And i know, it will be ok, it really won’t be that bad, i probably won’t be stranded forever, and maybe not even at all, but damn it. i feel like frigging Lucy Ricardo. All i need is Ricky wailing “Lu-cy!” at me. Which is not how Sir will react. Thank goodness.
i am so mad at myself.