So, hmmmm, there’s this

i had a chance to go to a conference this month, and i jumped on the opportunity.

i’m flying to the venue, which seemed kind of exciting.  And then i looked at my tickets again today, and i think i made some really poor choices booking it, and —

–that reminds me that traveling by myself is scary and i don’t really like it and i could end up stranded halfway there on the way, and on the way back too and —

What Was i Thinking???

i’m such a dumb ass.  i didn’t have to do this, the conference, no one expected it, i just thought it sounded like a good idea.

No.  Not a good idea, for real.  Stupid.

i need to tell Sir what i’ve done and He’s not home right now but He’s going to be disappointed that  i didn’t plan better.  And i could have asked Him to look at my flights, and He would have seen what i missed and i could have done it differently.  Now, it’s too late.

Sigh.

You have no idea how terrified i am now.  i’ve gone from feeling competent and confident to sick at my stomach and shaky and scared.   i want to stay home.  i don’t want to go.

It’s not just that i might end up stranded at an airport, it’s that now i can’t trust myself.  If i can fuck this up so royally, what else might i mess up?  i don’t wanna go.  i just want to stay home and be safe.

But now i have to go.  i can’t waste the travel money.  i can’t call in sick.

And i know, it will be ok, it really won’t be that bad, i probably won’t be stranded forever, and maybe not even at all, but damn it.  i feel like frigging Lucy Ricardo.  All i need is Ricky wailing “Lu-cy!” at me.  Which is not how Sir will react.  Thank goodness.

i am so mad at myself.

 

 

 

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10 thoughts on “So, hmmmm, there’s this

  1. Soume Stalked (Fury)

    ummm… are you flying through Iran? If not, it’s probably not that badly fucked up. So just breathe.
    And funny that you would reference Lucy. I said I felt like her earlier today, You know the one with the chocolates on the assembly line? That was me.
    F

    Reply
    1. sofia Post author

      Lol, Fury, not Iran, but almost as bad – Chicago. i know, it’s all about the breathing…
      That is funny – about Lucy. i remember that one… 🙂

      Reply
  2. Kia

    Best of luck with your travels! I can relate to the anxiety of making poor choices in flights. I’ve spent more than my fair share of nights stranded in airports (some sort of my fault, others not). I haven’t gotten better at selecting flights, but I have gotten a bit better at not panicking when issues arise. My favorite strategy is people-watching. No matter what happens, there are people who will handle it both better and worse than I-I’ve learned a lot from (and have been determined by) both groups.

    That said, hope your trip goes smoothly! Travel can be much more fun when it goes as planned.

    Reply
    1. sofia Post author

      Thanks, Kia. You know, today i can see more clearly and of course it’s not that big a deal. It just felt like it. What freaks me is not really the travel part as the “feeling like i don’t know what i’m doing.” And of course there’s no real reason for that. i know, it’ll be fine… thanks for the support!

      Reply
  3. Saoirse

    I hate the realization I’ve done something less than brilliant and the beginning to wonder if I can ever trust myself. But you know, right? There are no real mistakes, just opportunities to learn. (Personally, booking flights is the worst)

    Reply
    1. sofia Post author

      Thanks, Saoirse – yep, that is the worst part. And i know – lots and lots of experiences with AFOG (Another Frigging Opportunity for Growth.) Lol, yes. Thanks for reading and for commenting!

      Reply
  4. jadescastle

    On the bright-side, He will feel needed from this. And that is good, right? i understand about the flying and feeling out of control stuff. Maybe he will think of some good strategies?

    Reply
    1. sofia Post author

      Thanks, jade – yes. That’s probably true, it is a good opportunity for me to let Him see that i need Him. And He probably will be helpful. Thanks. 🙂

      Reply
      1. jadescastle

        You are so good at everything, i doubt he thinks he gets many changes to be needed. i think men need to know that, and somehow don’t take it at face value when we simply tell them. A meltdown about travel though? Yeah. He is needed. Plus, he might think of something really helpful. (And maybe there should be an internal rule that you check out travel ideas with him first in the future??)

        Reply

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