Blogging… and more

This rang so true for me.

“One writes not to be read but to breathe…one writes to think, to pray, to analyze. One writes to clear one’s mind, to dissipate one’s fears, to face one’s doubts, to look at one’s mistakes–in order to retrieve them. One writes to capture and crystallize one’s joy, but also to disperse one’s gloom. Like prayer–you go to it in sorrow more than joy, for help, a road back to ‘grace’.”
― Anne Morrow Lindbergh, War Within & Without: Diaries and Letters of Anne Morrow Lindbergh, 1939-1944

And it made me think about a blogger i’ve known for a long time who recently had to give up her blog.  Well, i guess she didn’t “have to” give it up, but she wasn’t able to really use it as an outlet and an expression of her life.  i’ll miss her.

In other news, i am a little bit more in touch with my Sir’s more subtle dominance.  And it takes two forms.  One is things like this:

We just built a new, small walk-in closet in our bedroom.  We’re checking it out, admiring it, talking about how nice it’s going to be for him to have His own closet.  Then ~

“Stand up against the wall,” He says.  “Yes, right there.”  He backs out and closes the door.

It is only a minute, maybe a minute, before He opens the door again.  Just long enough for me to feel the silence.  To recognize that i am there until He lets me out.  Just one minute.

When He opens the door, He’s grinning.  “Now try this,” He says.  This time, He turns off the light before He closes the door.


The other type of dominance is so subtle i’m not even sure it’s dominance.

A couple of years ago, i was struggling with some issues around some volunteer work i do.  Sir made a suggestion.  He shared His view of what He thought my role should be in this volunteer activity.   It was a fairly radical idea.  Not a bad idea, it just wasn’t something i’d ever thought about, and it seemed unlikely to the point of sheer fantasy.  Almost to the point of absurdity at that time.

Over the last couple of years, very occasionally, in conversation about the particular work, He’ll mention it again.  Only when it’s appropriate ~ for example,  when i’m frustrated with certain aspects of the work, He might say, “Well, you know what i think.  i think… ” and run through His idea again.

And slowly, little by little, my perception of the idea is changing.  It no longer seems totally outside the realm of possibility in my own mind.   AND, interestingly, some things have changed with other people in the group in ways that make the idea seem actually possible.

But i would never let my Dominant tell me what i should do in work stuff, even volunteer work, you know?  So i don’t even think that’s dominance.   That’s just who He is.  Right?

18 thoughts on “Blogging… and more

  1. jadescastle

    The subtle thing? Yeah, that is how you end up in a place, look around, and wonder, “How in the world did i get here?” (Answer: subtle Dominance. They just wait us out til we end up there.)

  2. subkitty

    It might depend on the way YOU see dominance and YOUR expectations of it
    My perception of what dominance is changed 180° from where we started. One of the changes is what you call “subtle ” dominance, which previously passed unnoticed is now very important: This is the way He shapes my thinking and behavior.
    A swat on the ass, biting, pinching, fuckin, torturing and…and…and….so many more great experiences come to mind, will NOT go unnotice because they give us immediate gratification . But those other experiences….from psychological point changing someones perception takes a lot of dedication, don’t you think?
    Who alse if not our Dominants can change our lifes with their “subtle ” ways 😉

    1. sofia Post author

      Right, subkitty, it apparently is those subtle things that sink in when we don’t even realize it that make a difference. And for sure my Sir has plenty of patience and dedication!

  3. Jz

    Writing is how I keep in touch with *me* — when I stopped writing was the time when I got lost in Dante’s woods.
    I don’t just write to disperse the gloom (altho’ it does that, certainly) or to think a thing through (ditto) but also, simply for joy. It’s my preferred form of creativity, to arrange the nuances of words so that they form something that speaks on multiple levels.
    It’s like quilting, except I don’t have to sew! ;-D

    1. sofia Post author

      Yeah, me too, Jz. Writing has gotten me through the most difficult times in my life. And i love that you do it, and share it with us – your words are so powerful.

      Lol, the quilting analogy is great – and that makes this corner of the blogosphere our own quilting circle, doesn’t it? Yes, fortunately without the sewing part. 🙂


  4. abby

    Oh…I know that thought very well…..It’s just who he is……I would never let Him…that is where i go…let Him?? Who am i kidding??
    hugs abby

  5. vanillamom

    I admit that I got a bit of a startle from “I would never let him…” but if you’re craving more dominance, even the subtle stuff is obedience-worthy, yes? I know you two have a dynamic that works for you…but that statement did make me go…hmmmm…

    Maybe a bit more clarity for your football-brained friend? 😀


    1. sofia Post author

      Oh, sorry – yeah that sounds funny, doesn’t it? And there’s a bunch of different ways I can talk about what i mean, and even more ways that i can’t share here. But – I’m a therapist -he can’t tell me how to be a therapist. i have my own practice,so i have to make decisions about hours to work and all that, but the ebb and flow of clients dictates that more than anything. So if He said, “I want you to get off work early one night a week,” I could do that most weeks, but if I had a client in crisis who urgently needed to be seen on the night I’d planned to leave early, I wouldn’t expect Him to want to manage what I did in that situation – and I know He wouldn’t expect that either. As far as how i handle things AT work with clients – i mean obviously i don’t even usually talk about that. If He started trying to give me directions that way, i’d just be baffled.

      There was one Dom i dated briefly who talked about things like wanting me to wear a vibrator at work. i was like “Wtf? No. i’m a therapist! Would you want your therapist, who needs to be fully present for you, to be wearing a vibrator??? Um, no.” So that kind of thing is really a hard limit for me, and thank goodness, Sir wouldn’t push that.

      And the thing he suggested that has been shifting my perspective isn’t something i could “obey.” i mean, other people would have to also agree to do things differently, and i can’t actually make that happen. But i am looking at whether or not it’s a perspective that i could promote at some point, which is as close to “obeying” that one as i can get.

      FULL DISCLOSURE: ‘Nilla and i talked about this before she posted her comment and i encouraged her to post it so i could answer it here. Just want to be sure y’all know there’s no conflict between us.

      1. Soume Stalked (Fury)

        It makes sense to me that you wouldn’t let him in your work stuff (of course you wouldn’t let him) and that he wouldn’t go there anyway. I think you have a responsibility to act a certain way at work, to make decisions a certain way.

        1. sofia Post author

          Yeah, that’s my thought, Fury, and for sure Sir wouldn’t cross any lines there. i guess it’s an individual decision though, and depends on the people involved.

  6. vanillamom

    It makes a LOT more sense this morning when I’m not snogging between football and D/s blogs. 😀 And I get that for any of us who work outside the home, that it is impractical for the big D to make “work decisions” for us–unless we work *for* them! Because–real life, right? Most of us can’t live the kind of life that would encompass full-time 24/7 D/s, or M/s, where the Tops rules are the total guide to living.

    My very first Dom had me do something at work that I found challenging and too difficult–so I stopped doing it and confessed later and his lasse faire reply let me know that he was not the right match for me. We parted amicably. M would never have me do something to out myself, put my job at risk, or would get me arrested. I’m okay with that!!

    Thanks for answering the question, for talking with me backchannel…and for understanding where my confusion lay.



  7. monkey

    David would do that, somehow we’d always end up circling back around to his point of view, very organically, until I “got ” it. I’m not sympathy seeking here, just making a point, that I got to see in one shocking moment just how pervasive that “subtle dominance” was. It’s cumulative. I’ll bet if you sat down and spent a few minutes adding up all those little subtle bits you’d be surprised at the scope of your Sirs dominance footprint in your life. Subtle indeed.


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