This rang so true for me.
“One writes not to be read but to breathe…one writes to think, to pray, to analyze. One writes to clear one’s mind, to dissipate one’s fears, to face one’s doubts, to look at one’s mistakes–in order to retrieve them. One writes to capture and crystallize one’s joy, but also to disperse one’s gloom. Like prayer–you go to it in sorrow more than joy, for help, a road back to ‘grace’.”
― Anne Morrow Lindbergh, War Within & Without: Diaries and Letters of Anne Morrow Lindbergh, 1939-1944
And it made me think about a blogger i’ve known for a long time who recently had to give up her blog. Well, i guess she didn’t “have to” give it up, but she wasn’t able to really use it as an outlet and an expression of her life. i’ll miss her.
In other news, i am a little bit more in touch with my Sir’s more subtle dominance. And it takes two forms. One is things like this:
We just built a new, small walk-in closet in our bedroom. We’re checking it out, admiring it, talking about how nice it’s going to be for him to have His own closet. Then ~
“Stand up against the wall,” He says. “Yes, right there.” He backs out and closes the door.
It is only a minute, maybe a minute, before He opens the door again. Just long enough for me to feel the silence. To recognize that i am there until He lets me out. Just one minute.
When He opens the door, He’s grinning. “Now try this,” He says. This time, He turns off the light before He closes the door.
The other type of dominance is so subtle i’m not even sure it’s dominance.
A couple of years ago, i was struggling with some issues around some volunteer work i do. Sir made a suggestion. He shared His view of what He thought my role should be in this volunteer activity. It was a fairly radical idea. Not a bad idea, it just wasn’t something i’d ever thought about, and it seemed unlikely to the point of sheer fantasy. Almost to the point of absurdity at that time.
Over the last couple of years, very occasionally, in conversation about the particular work, He’ll mention it again. Only when it’s appropriate ~ for example, when i’m frustrated with certain aspects of the work, He might say, “Well, you know what i think. i think… ” and run through His idea again.
And slowly, little by little, my perception of the idea is changing. It no longer seems totally outside the realm of possibility in my own mind. AND, interestingly, some things have changed with other people in the group in ways that make the idea seem actually possible.
But i would never let my Dominant tell me what i should do in work stuff, even volunteer work, you know? So i don’t even think that’s dominance. That’s just who He is. Right?