I read this from Kaya’s Master, over on “Under His Hand.”    Kaya had been suffering from his withdrawal of M/s.  Apparently, that’s over.  He explains that he was being strategic, and part of his response is that he was thinking:

“You want egalitarian, we’ll be egalitarian. You want to be with a man who is your equal, who doesn’t require you to do anything you don’t want to do, who takes your opinions and your feelings into consideration, and who will never ask you to do anything difficult? THAT’S what you want because that’s what your actions show.”

THAT made me stop and think.

i don’t think Sir is being strategic like Kaya’s master was, but maybe i do think i’m his equal.  Well, actually, i do think i’m his equal.   And i do want him to take my feelings and opinions into consideration.

i know, this is stupid.  We never had the kind of dynamic Kaya and her Master do.  i’m not a very domestic submissive, and he doesn’t want me to be.  Never mind.

{Erases post with her hand, waving it away…}

But i just need to say that i’m doing a crappy job taking care of myself.  i exercise randomly, maybe once a week or less.  i haven’t gotten my nails done in weeks.  i eat compulsively.  i quit seeing my therapist.  i haven’t followed through on some great ideas i had.  i know that’s all on me and nothing to do with anything or anyone else.

And i’m way behind in Christmas stuff that i need to do.  Yeah.  Guess i’d better go work on that.  i’ll be back soon with a fantasy or a Merry Christmas or something more fun.

P.S.  i’m not really as glum as this probably sounds.  Kaya’s post just made me think…

14 thoughts on “Pondering…

  1. faithfulreader2

    I think Kaya’s post made us all think. At least it did for me- big time. I am off to visit Master for Christmas (squeal!) -Wishing you and your Sir a wonderful Holiday!!


    1. sofia Post author

      Thanks, Faithful! Glad it wasn’t just me out here thinking about it.

      i’m so excited for you!! Hope it’s a terrific visit – Happy Holidays to you and yours!!

  2. Harley

    I don’t know Kaya, but I find it really interesting to read about all the different perspectives of Doms and subs. If it weren’t for joining this community I’d only have one person to talk to about this type of thing. It’s interesting to see what we all have in common or what differs from each other. And yes, it really does make you stop and think sometimes.

    1. sofia Post author

      Yeah, having the community to kick this stuff around with is really super helpful. i can’t imagine what i’d do without you guys – and i’m glad you’re one of us.

      So much to think about…

  3. CollaredMom

    I completely agree. Sir and I don’t have what Scott and Kaya do, I’m not sure I could do that. I hope you get some time to take care of yourself. It’s easy to let that stuff slide sometimes. I usually don’t even realize I’m doing it until it’s been weeks and things are really bad.

    Have a good holiday. [Hugs]

  4. jadescastle

    Hey…you know what you need to do to avoid compassion fatigue and burnout, yes?!? Not that i am practicing much of it myself so know it’s just a friendly nudge. Is he aware that he could be a valuable safety net for you in this way?

    1. sofia Post author

      Hey, jade,

      i do, theoretically, know exactly what i need to do 🙂

      i don’t think he is aware that he could be my safety net in this way. Honestly, jade, i don’t think he’s thinking about us “that way.” i think the only time he thinks about it is if i bring it up. Which i did again recently.

      Thanks for the thought though. i did make a therapy appointment, i guess that counts for sumpin.



  5. jadescastle

    i asked Sir Raven to read it. Did i mention that? i’m sad that so many people vilify his actions or suggest she leave him without understanding all of the reasons why she may not want to or be prepared to do that. It doesn’t seem too helpful to me. i’d have a huge issue if Sir Raven told me she was happy with me if she wasn’t. i do check-ins frequently and always ask her if she feels always respected by me. If she feels loved and adored, and if she is happy more often than not with me and us. When she is happy then i make it my job to feel pride and contentment with that. i need for us to be connected emotionally but the rest? I try and think of it as icing on the cake. Wait. Thats a bad example. Icing is my favorite part. Remind me to not comment during fevers, okay? 🙂

    1. sofia Post author

      You are so funny – “icing is my favorite part.” i will remind you not to comment when you have a fever. 🙂

      But you make a good point. And by that standard, – emotional connectedness – Sir and i are doing fine. Thanks for sharing that…

  6. mckitten

    This made me think so much I had to think about it for some time before commenting!

    All i really have to say is – I definitely see us as equals, as does he. He does still sometimes require me to do things I don’t want to do, asks me to do hard stuff and yes, takes my opinions and feelings into consideration.

    Everyone is different of course, and wants/needs different things, but it doesn’t HAVE to be an either or thing, I think is the idea I’m trying to express..

    1. sofia Post author

      Yeah, i think you’re right McKitten. i think we can be equals and still be D/s or M/s. It just gets confusing sometimes, doesn’t it? For me, anyhow…


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