Binge eating last night, makes me feel so bad about myself afterwards.   Did some binge shopping too, although i didn’t think about it that way at the time, and i can use the stuff i bought, and i didn’t spend money i don’t have, but it wasn’t exactly in my plan either.  Anyhow.

It’s a new day.  Starting over.  

“I am not a Sunday morning inside four walls

with clean blood

and organized drawers.

I am the hurricane setting fire to the forests

at night when no one else is alive

or awake

however you choose to see it

and I live in my own flames

sometimes burning too bright and too wild

to make things last

or handle

myself or anyone else

and so I run.

run run run

far and wide

until my bones ache and lungs split

and it feels good.

Hear that people? It feels good

because I am the slave and ruler of my own body

and I wish to do with it exactly as I please”

Charlotte Eriksson

i can’t say i feel like that exactly, but i like the sound of feeling that way.  If that makes any sense at all.  And even if it doesn’t.  


13 thoughts on “Ugh

  1. Jz

    I really am far too pragmatic.
    That just sounds like such a terrifically uncomfortable mental state to be in…
    (Unless, of course, you’re running to burn off the calories!) ;-p

    Seize your new day, my friend.

    1. sofia Post author

      Lol, no, you’re right, Jz, it’s not dreadfully comfortable. i actually feel ~ yeah i dunno. Sigh. i will indeed try to seize the day.

    1. sofia Post author

      i had no red wine, or i could have done that too. There might have been a glass or two of white involved… Thanks, Monkey, for getting it.

  2. vanillamom

    Have stayed the course this week–and had a hurricane BLOW through around down me today. Pizza. Cake. Ice cream before the event. A total fuck-fest of good gluttony– and tomorrow is a new day. And I didn’t hurt anyone-not even me, really. Fat people survive famine longer is my philosophy. 😉 You will get through this- no beating yourself up any more, okay?

    Hugs and love

    1. sofia Post author

      Omg, you’re right about fat people and the famine – plus, i’m getting old, i need extra padding so i can roll if i fall – don’t want to break a hip!


      Thanks for the support, ‘nilla. ❤

  3. jadescastle

    i won my own personal muffin eating contest today. Two giant sized muffins in under five minutes. Yep. Going for the gold, over here.

    i can fully relate to that prose. Yesterday, i had a moment where all i wanted was to able to drive with the top down, the music up, and to drive until i ran out of road. It’s like running, but without all of that pesky calorie burning stuff. i was thwarted by blindness. It wasn’t wanderlust nor any desire to run away but to have that sensation of being fully alone, being able to luxuriate in being loud and carefree and wild for a moment.

    1. sofia Post author

      Oh, that’s an impressive amount of muffin, jade!

      Yeah, driving down the road with music blasting is good for me too. i was trying to put it in words yesterday after i posted this, but couldn’t quite get there – for me, it’s about feeling so tight and withdrawn and ~ i dunno. Yeah. But thanks for understanding…



  4. Wordwytch

    Tea, cookies, and soy ice cream. Yeah… Plus, Mercury only went direct on the 25th. Lots of messed up communications for another day or so. Even Wolf and I have been miscommunicating…


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