Feeling sadness bone deep.  i watch myself grow further away from the feel of submission.  i need to be snatched up.  Reprimanded.  Disciplined.  i don’t think he notices.


15 thoughts on “Today

  1. vanillamom

    sorry for the deep sadness here…wishing I could wave a magic wand and “fix” this…instead I’ll send hugs and love…


  2. Master Michael S

    One of the hardest things to remember in blogging is that we’re seeing snapshots of someone’s life – it could be the best or the worst thing, but it is just one piece of a bigger puzzle. I saw in an earlier post from this month that you both had been busy. So that is why I am commenting on this in this way. If it doesn’t apply, my apologies.

    Angie and I have dealt with ebbs and flows almost our entire relationship. We present on that subject quite a bit. Where the M/s (or D/s) takes a back seat to internal or external pressures/stresses. It is one of those things that happens for a lot of different reasons. The good news is that there are tools (and you used one of them by talking to your Sir about the issue… but as angie/I learned, that communication has to go both ways. That can be difficult.)

    We also have a handout for our class if you’d like to look at it. It’s just the basic “map” we try to use to get out of an ebb. We’re a lot better about it now, in recognizing them, honoring them, and finding ways to connect through them.

    1. sofia Post author

      Thank you, Master Michael – first for reading my blog, second for commenting on it, third for the hopeful words, and finally for sharing your “map.” i like your map a lot, and it’s always helpful to remember that other people go through these things too.

      i honestly don’t know if this is just an ebb we’re going through or if it’s how things are going to be. i guess time will tell, but i will keep looking for ways to nurture the D/s-ness of our relationship.

      Thank you again.

  3. monkey

    My first thought was I hate this for you. My second was to ask if you wanted me to smack him upside the head ? It’s kind of odd and funny that I feel outraged on your behalf and have the impulse to act in ways that i never would for myself. (I really wouldn’t smack him) I sincerely wish there was something beside solidarity that I could offer to help.

    1. sofia Post author

      Thank you, Monkey, i appreciate the thought and the solidarity! Really, the solidarity is huge, and just having a place to say what i’m feeling, no matter what it is, and know that people will be there with me is worth more than just about anything. 🙂

    1. sofia Post author

      Thanks, Jade – yeah, i wish they didn’t apply too! And Master Michael has actually made me think making i’m being too extreme. We’ll see…

      Many hugs back to {{{{{{you}}}}}}


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