Ten to One: Day Five

Six things i wish i’d never done:

Nope.  Not doing this one.  i can’t think of six things that i’d wish undone – which one would be the link that led me to meet Sir or have my daughter or any number of things that i wouldn’t want to lose?

On a whole different note, last night, it was chilly in the house.  We haven’t turned on the heat yet, and don’t really need to, but it was a bit chilly once i took my clothes off.  So i jumped into bed without waiting for him to come tell me it was ok to.

He was righteously indignant that i’d broken the rule, and tied me to the bed, which he hasn’t done in a long time.

That makes me wonder if he feels like we’re on the right track in our D/s-ness.  If he thinks it’s all hunky-dory.  (Hunky-dory – great word, right?)

Then that makes me feel taken for granted.  Like he doesn’t think he has to put any effort into our relationship in that aspect (because he does put effort into other aspects of our relationship – let me not forget to mention that) but as if the D/s-ness will run on autopilot.

Ok, i need to let it go.  i’m fighting reality again.

“The greatest satisfaction comes not from chasing pleasure and avoiding pain, but from the radical acceptance of life as it is, without fighting and clinging to passing desires.”  

~~ Noah Levine, Against the Stream: A Buddhist Manual for Spiritual Revolutionaries

The simple reality is that he corrected me last night for breaking the rule about getting in bed without permission and there’s no need to read any meaning into that.    It just means that he noticed i broke the rule and responded to that.

“With mindfulness we have the choice of responding with compassion to the pain of craving, anger, fear and confusion. Without mindfulness we are stuck in the reactive pattern and identification that will inevitably create more suffering and confusion.”  

~~ Noah Levine, Against the Stream: A Buddhist Manual for Spiritual Revolutionaries

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6 thoughts on “Ten to One: Day Five

  1. LadyP

    I’m just wondering … what happened to Day Four?
    I follow your posts on missing D/s in your life and commiserate with you, since paralel things are happening in my life.

    Reply
    1. sofia Post author

      I don’t know! I wrote it. I thought I published it. And it’s gone. I have no idea.
      Thanks for the support. It’s always wonderful to hear from you!!

      Reply
  2. jadescastle

    You know, i truly do understand and practice the art of mindfulness. It can be a good tool, to just notice and let things drift off, like clouds. At the same time, though, i think we are a species who are natural story tellers. We see things in our environment and we tell ourselves stories about the experience. That is natural too. Sometimes, i think we need to sort of fact-check the story (Are we on M/s auto-pilot? What do i tell myself about that?). Since we seem to be natures story-tellers, it seems reasonable that we can get it wrong.

    Once, in Walmart, my mother stood and remarked on a man standing next to a full buggy of items. She notes ladies night gowns and children’s toys and candles. My mother told her aloud a whole story about this man’s life, how much he “clearly” cared for his wife and children, as he seemed to deliberate and added items.
    i was fascinated that knowing nothing about this person, she had managed to project all of these ideas onto him.
    As it turned out, the man was a Walmart worker out of uniform, deliberating about where in the heck he was going to find time to put all of this stuff away on the proper shelf.
    Heh.

    So, yeah, mindfulness would have only gotten us as far as noticing the man and possibly ignoring the story in our head mid-flight. It wouldn’t have gotten us to see how much we were trying to naturally fill in the blanks, in the absence of any meaningful information.
    It wouldn’t have gotten a more realistic answer for what we were noticing.

    Many hugs,
    glad you are back!!!
    j

    Reply

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