So i’ve been doing some – we’ll call it “body work” – some therapeutic work that focuses on my body rather than my thoughts or feelings. (No, that’s not a euphemism for some kind of special sex, it really is a form of therapy.)
Anyhow. i’ve noticed some interesting things. Part of this bodywork involves doing a series of exercises, and the instructions were that i was not supposed to do anything to the point of pain – in fact, on a scale of 1-10, a ten was the beginning of pain, and i was supposed to keep my comfort level between a 5 and a 7. So high enough that i could feel some tension, but well short of real discomfort.
i discovered that when i start doing exercise, i “check out” to some extent. My mind goes somewhere else. So when she would say, “What level are you at now?” or “Where’s your comfort level?” i would have to mentally check back in to pay attention to where my level was.
It is difficult for me to “self-regulate” my body. i do that pretty well with thoughts and feelings, but tell me to do an exercise until i hit between 5 and 7? I don’t actually know how to do that.
It occurs to me after the first session that most of the things people tell us to do with our bodies involves pain. Do you know what i mean? It was that way for me anyhow, growing up. Or it seems like it… Even now, i think that maybe 90% of the time, if someone else tells me to do something with my body, it is going to be uncomfortable, unpleasant, or downright painful.
And that’s what i’m wondering – what is that like for you? Things i can think of – just about anything at the doctor’s office. Most exercise regimes, while you’re doing them, if someone else is directing it. Oh, massage therapy is an exception (yay!!) i’m not including D/s sex in this, but often in vanilla sex, in my experience, if someone was directing me, it was often not so pleasant for me as it could have been. Maybe that’s just me. But i was ok with that, really, mostly.
i don’t know. Maybe this is too intimate to talk about here. But you know, i wonder.
Anyhow. i think i am going to become lots more in touch my with body as i go along here. It’s kind of exciting.