i feel – out of sorts.  That’s a nice way to put it, right?

i feel fat and ugly and inadequate.  And lonely.

i know, i know, i’m not.  Not alone, not inadequate, not ugly, just a little bit fat.  i know.  What’s your point?

i said i FEEL.  i didn’t say anything about the facts.  So just hush.

Cranky.  i’m cranky too.

Yeah.  That’s all i have to say right now.

Actually though, everything has been pretty ok.  Sometimes real ok.  i mean, i know i’ve been quiet for a long time, but everything’s been ok.

But it’s been a while, you know.  A while since there’s been any D/s or real kink.  No i’m not even getting tied up at night.

It’s our pattern, right?  Some wonderful space and time, and then it goes down, down, down and i don’t’ even notice for a long time because i love him and i’m happy with him.  With Him.

Yeah.  Then suddenly i’m not ok.  i don’t know why.  Maybe it has nothing to do with the reduced kink, right?  i’m still ok with Him, it’s not that.  i’m just out of sorts.

i need to not be mundane.  i need to be spanked, seriously spanked.  i need to be tied up and restrained.  i need to be out of control, under His control, taken and used…

i know.  Ask Him for what you want.  Talk to Him.  i KNOW!!  Maybe i would. He’s not here right now. When He comes home, His son will be with Him

Tomorrow we have more company.  Good company, overnight.  Then Sunday some work to do on the house with someone coming to help.  Then the weekend will be gone.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday…

Maybe  next weekend.

i know, i’m a spoiled brat, i live with Him, blah,blah,blah…

See, cranky and mean.

And fat.  Did i say fat?


And whiny.  i hate when i’m whiny.


33 thoughts on “Ugh

  1. monkey

    We can be cranky and fat together. 🙂

    Seriously, lay all this at his feet tonight and maybe he will be inspired to sneak a little control in during your busy week. At the very least it will get your feelings out in the open and you won’t surprise him next week by popping open and spewing subby angst all over him…. or is that only me that does that?

    1. sofia Post author

      If I have to be cranky and fat, i can’t think of anyone I’d rather do it with!

      And you’re right, I need to let him know… and i will. i will… as soon as i get a chance.



    1. sofia Post author

      You are too funny, Ms. Jz. i have already finished the first ten of the Eileen Wicks Lily Yu series, and two books that are peripheral to the series, thank you very much. The only reason i haven’t read the 11th one is because she hasn’t written it yet.

      Ok, i haven’t started the Outlander series because i’m on a budget now so i’ve been cruising through some free kindle books to tide me over.


      1. Jz

        Didn’t I see release date of October?? 🙂
        But in the meantime…
        *Patricia Briggs… Moon Called…*
        she whispers in a siren call…
        (When it comes to books, expect no mercy from me!!) 😀

        1. sofia Post author

          Um I have already pre-ordered the 11th book – so yes. 🙂 Patricia Briggs, huh? And no, I expect no mercy from you, Missy!!

    1. sofia Post author

      Thanks, Beth – sorry to hear you’re in the same boat but glad for the company. 🙂 Hope you get what you need soon too.

    1. sofia Post author

      Lol, Fury, really? Weekdays too? No, i know, and good point, but honestly between the two of us, somebody’s always working late, and i’m an early-to-bed, early-to-rise kinda gal and and and – yeah. It is possible. But not likely. i will try to keep that in mind though. 🙂

  2. Wordwytch

    I’m clearing off a space on the bench for all of us who feel a little cranky and unspanked. We’ve been busy. Running hard. Too much company and NOT enough alone time, so I know how you feel. Hugs dear. Lots and lots of hugs.

  3. jadescastle

    much love to you, my friend. Yeah, it does seem to be the pattern. It’s not a cute look for any of us that have that particular pattern (and i think it’s all of us). What’s up with the “no beatings on school nights” thingy anyhow? Sheesh.
    i hope you are enjoying what you can and find some ways to indulge and comfort yourself.

    1. sofia Post author

      Thanks for those good wishes, Jade! And you know, school nights are sacred, arent’ they? (Giggling, ok, maybe not.) Anyhow, yeah, i’m in a better space already. 🙂

    1. sofia Post author


      Thanks, I’m glad to blame it on something in the atmosphere – and am sorry you’re here with us… sigh. 🙂

  4. vanillamom

    first, when I read this, I thought…she’s maybe *over* this by now, yanno, 3 days into the funk. But then I remembered…hell, it’s sofia…so you’re really just getting warmed up now, right? So then I though, I should coo and tell you it will be okay but you know that already…and I could also say ‘suck it up buttercup’ but that’s just kind of mean because you’re feeling what you’re feeling and it’s not wrong to feel that way.
    So, long run-on sentence done, where does that leave me?
    with a hug.
    and some sympathy.
    And some of my own mirrored angsty feelings. I mean, I know I need it more than my M does. He’s fine with long periods of time just passing by blithely, right? Damn him to all hells and back. I too understand the boil in the blood.
    The need to rant and struggle and still be subdued.
    this has been our life fantasy afterall.
    So yeah.
    walking in your footsteps sister.
    it pisses me off too.
    and then yanno…
    loving the time we do get.
    even if it’s not play.
    (but I so fucking WANT it to be play)
    (fucking *hell* do I)

    (who is obviously NO help at all–see what you started here missy? hmmm?)

    1. sofia Post author

      Hmph, i am kinda over it, does that count for anything?

      Yeah, i’m afraid that once the ups and downs and the joy and sorrow of newness have worn off, this is how it rolls for many of us.

      Thanks for the support though. It helps to know i’m not alone!

      1. vanillamom

        You are not alone. I had a little Viking confab via text with Himself last night. *sigh* he loves when that wired woman slips out of me…but he did say something sweet so all hope is not lost. I’m just full of frustration today. I’m super anxed out. I need …


        just that.



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