In my Life Today

In my life today are

~  a few accomplishments – saw a client, had a meeting, planned an event, went to the market and got some veggies.

~~ some conflicts – am working on creating consensus in a group that is made up of about 30 strong-minded people, with varying degrees of willingness to come to the same table on mutual terms, so it’s absolutely like herding cats.  And they are all people who matter to me – maybe some more than others, but most of all as a group that i would like to function in a cohesive manner.   The situation has the potential to blow up and hurt lots of people’s feelings, none of which will be my fault, but the goal is still to work through the issues involved in a helpful way, and i’m in a position to maybe move things in that direction.  It ties my stomach in knots sometimes, even though i know there’s no actual reason for it to.

~~~  a request – for some information related to an opportunity – the request will require about 10 hours of work (not previously planned for) over the next 3 days, which could result in absolutely nothing, or a successful venture that might or might not open other doors, or it could be a huge flop.

~~~~ And food.  I had a delicious cage free, organic egg, hard-boiled for breakfast.  For lunch, I had a lovely crepe with spinach, feta, mushrooms, and avocado.   Then I came home, saw the request, looked at developments on the conflict, and promptly ate 6 oatmeal cookies and a small cup of ice cream.  Yep.

You may not know this about me, but i am typically the one who is always calm, always in control, always doing whatever needs to be done and making it look smooth.   And that really is me, don’t misunderstand me, i am that girl.

And i am this girl – ate up with anxiety, overwhelmed, not sure what to do, scared i’m going to fuck it all up so bad that all the good things will go away.

And this girl likes to eat.

Fuck.  i wish i’d quit trying to eat my anxiety away.  It is not going anywhere.   It is all first world problems, all privileged stress.  i would like to be ok with that.

 

 

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12 thoughts on “In my Life Today

  1. monkey

    If they were oatmeal with RAISINS cookies, you’re fine. It falls under celebrating National Raisin Day Apr. 30th.

    I joke because I if I don’t, I’d cry. I’m that girl too.

    Reply
    1. sofia Post author

      Thanks, Monkey! I had no idea it was National Raisin Day, if i had only known… lol.

      Yeah, it’s not easy being that girl. ❤

      Reply
  2. theagingsub

    I’ve been that girl. I was for many, many years. I still see glimpses of her – she sneaks in and grabs hold of my brain and rattles it every now and then. It’s very difficult , I understand. You are not alone.

    Reply
  3. Jz

    Good lord, just the thought of having to be that first girl is enough to put the second one in charge around here!
    (like she isn’t already)

    Reply
  4. Soume Stalked (Fury)

    ” i wish i’d quit trying to eat my anxiety away. It is not going anywhere. It is all first world problems, all privileged stress. i would like to be ok with that.”

    Words to live by, to strive towards. Funny because they are so true. For me too!

    Fury

    Reply
  5. vanillamom

    i swear…you are the only person I know who stress eats (well not THAT part!) and who then self-chastizes that it’s a “first world….priveledged stress” issue. It’ s not funny…and yet it is, too. Trust me, if one is what one eats? I am a white chocolate M & M.

    Freud said…sometimes a cookie/ice cream….is just a cookie and ice cream. Right?

    Sending hugs that all will work out as it is meant to…and that you are not too stressed out in the process.

    nilla

    Reply
    1. sofia Post author

      Thanks, ‘nilla – and of course it will all work out. i know that – that’s why it’s so annoying that some part of my brain doesn’t seem to get that. sigh….

      but thanks for the support!

      Reply

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