In my life today are
~ a few accomplishments – saw a client, had a meeting, planned an event, went to the market and got some veggies.
~~ some conflicts – am working on creating consensus in a group that is made up of about 30 strong-minded people, with varying degrees of willingness to come to the same table on mutual terms, so it’s absolutely like herding cats. And they are all people who matter to me – maybe some more than others, but most of all as a group that i would like to function in a cohesive manner. The situation has the potential to blow up and hurt lots of people’s feelings, none of which will be my fault, but the goal is still to work through the issues involved in a helpful way, and i’m in a position to maybe move things in that direction. It ties my stomach in knots sometimes, even though i know there’s no actual reason for it to.
~~~ a request – for some information related to an opportunity – the request will require about 10 hours of work (not previously planned for) over the next 3 days, which could result in absolutely nothing, or a successful venture that might or might not open other doors, or it could be a huge flop.
~~~~ And food. I had a delicious cage free, organic egg, hard-boiled for breakfast. For lunch, I had a lovely crepe with spinach, feta, mushrooms, and avocado. Then I came home, saw the request, looked at developments on the conflict, and promptly ate 6 oatmeal cookies and a small cup of ice cream. Yep.
You may not know this about me, but i am typically the one who is always calm, always in control, always doing whatever needs to be done and making it look smooth. And that really is me, don’t misunderstand me, i am that girl.
And i am this girl – ate up with anxiety, overwhelmed, not sure what to do, scared i’m going to fuck it all up so bad that all the good things will go away.
And this girl likes to eat.
Fuck. i wish i’d quit trying to eat my anxiety away. It is not going anywhere. It is all first world problems, all privileged stress. i would like to be ok with that.