A Jz Stumper

This is a great question from Jz, and i challenge all of you to give it a try.

~  As a special treat, you are allowed to relive the happiest day of your life and the happiest week of your life…

Do they overlap?
Could you tell us what they would be?

Oh, this has just made me pause completely.  My brain freezes.  The happiest day of my life… what would that be?

~  My first wedding day?

~  My second wedding day?

~ The day i met Sir? I don’t remember what else was going on that day…  The day he moved in?  i don’t know, it was such a mix of excitement and hard work and anxiety and.. i don’t know.

~  The day my daughter was born?  Well, maybe – but – during labor?  no.  After labor?  Well, the day was almost over by then.  And i was awfully tired.  The next day?  When I was just beginning to realize what it meant to have a baby in the house… first time breastfeeding and people visiting and being tired and happy, yes, but so many other things – omg, no. So many overwhelming things that were wonderful and scary at the same time…

And I get to relive it?  Oh, no, wait, that makes it much harder.  i don’t want to relive any of those days, much less a whole week!  Let me think…  nope.

Here’s a close as it gets:

Once upon a time, i was just a good vanilla girl, with a not-so-great marriage and an unhappy-ending relationship behind me.  i was looking for love in some interesting places, including a dating phone line.

i had just had an afternoon coffee date with this guy who i thought i might like, but not enough that i was through shopping.  So i’m on the phone later, and i start talking to this man.  Mike.  Yeah, i’ll call him Mike.

i was already feeling happy.  My life was in a pretty good place.  Things going well at work, good at home, and now a dating life, and men who thought i was attractive… yeah.  Life was good.

And then Mike – Mike who was all Irish blarney and nonsense, sweet-talking fast, kept me off-balance, swept me off my feet and into his arms – into his bed – faster than any good girl should go.

i’ve told the story before, if you’ve heard it before, don’t feel obliged to read, feel free to go on to another kinky blog.  But when i remember it, i get lost in it again.  Particularly the beginning – you know how beginnings are – fresh and full of promise that we know can’t be filled, won’t be lived up to, there is no happy-ever-after for always, but still, in that beginning it seems to hold the promise of the universe and maybe, just maybe, just this once…

Yeah.  Fairytales and star-dust – and i don’t mean that to be bitter, just that it can’t be like that – reality is, and Mike had plenty of faults and it was never meant to last anyhow.

But oh, that beginning.

I can still hear his voice, “You have the prettiest ankles I’ve ever seen,” he says, that first night we meet, it is the first thing he says to me.   “Look at those ankles! Lift your skirt up a little bit and let me see if your legs are as pretty…”

Silly, silly things he said…

“I am going to make you cum, over, and over, and over again.”  And i didn’t believe that – i’d heard that before, empty promises – but omg, omg.

He pursued me, seduced me, kept me on the edge…

And he Dommed me.  Never said the word.  Never mentioned kink or BDSM.  “I like a woman that minds,” he’d say.  “How do you get a woman to mind?” He’d say – and he’d laugh, a wry chuckle, “You just have to tell her to do things she wants to do.  Now come over here, come on, right now, you need to cum, let’s see how many times I can make you cum..”

Well, you know, who could resist that?

He made me cum – dozens of time a day.  Every day.  Well, 4 or 5 days a week.  For months.  About three months.

Yeah.

He made me laugh, he made me cum, he made me love him for the stubborn, contrary, opinionated man he really was.  And omg, i felt good all the time.  Well, you try it.  A dozen orgasms to start the day before work, messages on my VM in-between meetings and such about what he would do later, about how beautiful i was, orgasms before dinner, dinner out on the town, and orgasms before bed.

How could i not be happy?    My brain chemistry was set on high for pleasure, and if there was a little withdrawal on the off days, well, it was a small price to pay.

i danced through my days.  Lost weight without trying.  Got a raise and a promotion at work.  Didn’t feel stressed.

Yep.

“Are you wearing panties?” he would say.  We’d be eating out, like we usually did.  If i said yes, he’d say, “You are?  Go take them off and bring them here.  Now, go, hurry up, mind me.”  And giggling, feeling silly and thrilled, i’d go take them off and slip them over to him.

Well.  Those were the days, my friend.

i don’t know if i could bear to live them over again, knowing the end, knowing how vulnerable i was, no, i don’t think so.  Maybe just in my mind.

He’s dead now, Mike is, has been for – wow, almost 10 years now.  And we had ended things before that anyhow.   It was never meant to last.

But lord, it was fun.

We had a huge fight once about submission.  He insisted on reading from the Bible to me, you know, the “wives submit” passage, and youall know how i feel about that.  So we got in this big argument, and i left, but i came back the next day to get my jacket, and get one last orgasm, and we patched it up.

And he said, “I don’t know why you get so mad about that.  I don’t understand that.  You are the most submissive woman I’ve ever met.  You’ll do anything I tell you to.”

And something inside me knew he was right.

Ok, it wasn’t the first time i’d had an inkling, but it was the first time i realized it was frigging true and it wasn’t something awful, it’s just how i am.

That’s why it leads into Sir Raven’s question, and i’ll answer that one next, but this story is the beginning of how i came to terms with my submissive self.

Mike was real sure he was going to hell.  He’d done some pretty bad things at one time in his life, and he didn’t have any doubt that he was headed for hell.  But he was so funny, and he gave me (and so many other women) so much pleasure.  i can’t imagine God depriving herself of Mike’s company.

Well, you know, if there is a God, and if She has a sense of humor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks for the question, Jz.  i hadn’t relived those times in a while.  🙂

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5 thoughts on “A Jz Stumper

  1. Jz

    Truthfully, I didn’t expect it would be that hard, but the result was worth all your thinkin’!
    (I had a moment like that with SP, when I realized that I’d lay down and fuck him on the side of the road with traffic going by, if he said we were going to…)

    Reply
  2. vanillamom

    such a beautiful, poignant story. A great Jz question with a very compelling, real answer. And gosh. I don’t think I could answer that one either. I love how you look at your life so … clearly. Unvarnished. Yes. without casting blame just…I dunno. It speaks to me, beautifully.

    Here’s to Mike, keeping Her happy. For sure he isn’t in hell (because, yanno, there isn’t one. :D)

    nilla

    Reply
  3. jadescastle

    i can hardly express how much i loved, loved, loved this writing! Poignant. And i’m sure She is smiling because to make delightful characters like Mike, you just know God(dess) has a wicked sense of humor.

    i think this would actually be a really hard exercise. So many of my most happy moments are bittersweet.

    Reply
  4. Pingback: Sir Raven’s Questions (At Last!) | Loving Submission

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