i have definitely slept better the last couple of nights, and the butt-warming spanking i got warmed my heart as much as my other parts, so that was good.
Here’s an interesting survey on sexual fantasies. I found it through fetlife, so it’s not some goofy mainstream magazine version. It was kind of fun to take, so i thought you might want to check it out.
i’ve been dreadfully anxious with Sir lately, in vanilla kinds of ways. You know that anxiety we feel when they tell us to do something and we’re not sure what they want or what’s going to happen next and our hearts are pounding because we want to please but we’re not sure we’re going to? Yeah, that feeling.
Well, i’ve been feeling it about vanilla stuff. Handling home repairs and looking for a new car stuff. i don’t know what that means, i’m not sure it means anything. He lets me dangle in vanilla anxiety for a bit – maybe just until he realizes it’s happening? i don’t know.
But then He sets my mind at rest, and reassures me.
i don’t know how i feel about this. It’s as if i’m becoming more submissive in daily things, but also maybe less self-confident.
And yet – ok, true confessions – writing about it makes me hot. Yep. It does. The idea that i’m becoming more submissive to Him in ANY way apparently just turns me on.
It’s not what i had in mind when i became His submissive. But here i am.
When i bought my last car, i did a little research, talked to a few people (emphasis on “little” and “few”) and then i went to the dealer and bought a car. That car and I have lived mostly happily ever after for about 10 years now. But some impending expenses have made me turn my eyes toward a new car.
Sir is not accepting my (admittedly slipshod) previous style of research and planning. Nope. Now i had to pick three cars that were possibilities, and watch videos and read up on them. Next, we’re going to go look at them when the lot is closed and there aren’t any sales people to pressure us. There are more steps after that.
So, once-upon-a-time, Sir sold cars, and i know that He knows what He’s doing. Plus, he’s working much harder than i am doing the research and some leg work on all this. So i am TOTALLY NOT complaining.
But you know. i’m used to doing what i want to do, on my own time frame, in my own way, regardless of whether it’s the best way or not. So it just feels ~ you know ~ different.
And in some indefinable way, it feels right. Uncomfortable, but right. Different from what i thought i wanted, but ~ you know. Right.
This post seems scattered to me, and i don’t really care. Normally, i’d go back and rewrite and revise, but not today. Sigh… just hitting publish anyhow. You’ll have to sort it out for yourself.