Last night, Sir and i went to bed about the same time. He had kept me up late by talking to me about all kinds of things – physics, and nonlinear time, the difference between in line cams and V-shaped arrangements and other fascinating things that i might not have been thinking about otherwise.
He lost me when He was trying to explain nonlinear time using a funnel, but we’ll try again using a real funnel and a crayon. That’s what He says anyhow.
Last night, i was tired, and a bit spacey, so i’d listen for a while, and then when there was a break in the flow, i’d say, “Sir, i really need to go to bed.” i mean, i don’t need permission to go to bed or anything, but usually when i say that, He says, “Well, you better go to bed,” and then i do.
Last night, when i say it, He just keeps talking. And i keep listening.
He pauses, distracted by something on-line, and i say it again. He goes back to talking, i listen.
Don’t misunderstand me, what He’s talking about IS interesting to me, so that’s part of why i stay. But there’s something else going on too.
It’s not the first time i’ve noticed this. Even though i don’t have to ask permission to go to bed, when He’s there, i don’t go to bed without it. It always surprises me, and i’m not sure if it’s really Him or if it’s just me, but it doesn’t matter. There i am.
“It’s getting late,” i say at one point, glancing at the clock on my computer, “It’s going on – going on midnight!”
That makes Him laugh. “Midnight?” He says. “Honey, it’s 10:48. That’s not going on midnight,” still chuckling.
O, right, it just feels like going on midnight…
But then we both go to bed, and when i’m ready to climb in, He has my pillow again.
“Sir,” i say, smiling to myself, “You have my pillow.”
“Mmmhmmm,” He says. “I do.” And He doesn’t make a single move toward giving it back to me.
“Um, can i have my pillow, please?” i ask, fully expecting Him to hand it over.
“I don’t think you need a pillow,” He says. “Can’t you can sleep without one?”
“Sir!” i say. “i guess i can, but do you really need three pillows?”
“No, I don’t need three pillows,” He says, “But I might want to keep yours. I might not want you to have a pillow.”
“Well, ok,” i say a bit doubtfully, trying to settle into a flat, pillow-less bed. “i guess i can…”
A moment passes. Two.
“Here,” He says. “You can have your pillow. Just remember, it’s up to me whether or not you have a pillow.”
“Yes, Sir,” i say, settling happily on my pillow, feeling a little shiver of excitement.
“And actually,” He adds, “It’s up to me if you have a mattress to sleep on or not. I could have you sleep on the floor without a mattress OR a pillow.”
A bigger shiver now ~ O! i can almost feel it, me lying on the hard wood floor beside the bed… “Yes, Sir,” i say, hoping He
does someday maybe doesn’t ever do that.
“Don’t forget it,” He says, grasping both my wrists in one hand, pulling me closer to HIm.
Don’t worry, Sir, not much chance of me forgetting that now!