Kink?? Here?? Um, no.

So having answered the pressing question, here i am anyhow.

We did have a taste of kink last Monday, which was simply lovely, but it really was a taste, and left me longing for more.  i know, greedy slut i am.

And he did use the paddle on me about 4 licks yesterday, before we went out for dinner, and that was cool.

But.

But, ok, so here’s the thing.   i’m just going to whisper this here, and then i’m through talking about it ok?

He doesn’t want me anymore.  Not like that.  He loves me – don’t misunderstand -he does love me, i know he does, and he’s happy with me.  But he’s not – he just doesn’t – he isn’t interested in doing the things we used to do.

i don’t know why.

i’m pretty sure i have to have done something wrong, but maybe not, you know, maybe he just isn’t into it anymore.  Maybe he just sees me as “Grandma” too much these days.  i do’t know.

No, i haven’t specifically asked him that, and i’m not going to, because he’s going to say i’m wrong, i know he will.  He’s going to have a lot of reasons why we’re not -you know – any more, and i have no reason not to believe him, except – you know

Actions speak louder.

If there’s anything i’ve learned in the zillion years i’ve been alive, it’s that i need to see what’s happening more than listening to what someone’s saying.  No, i don’t think he’d lie to me, i think he believes it, i guess he’d believe it, but he doesn’t want me that way anymore.

Don’t start telling me he does or i’ll turn off the comments.

It makes me sick and scared and i don’t know what to do.

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22 thoughts on “Kink?? Here?? Um, no.

    1. sofia Post author

      Lol, thanks, sin – i went and read, but i’ll have to sleep on it before i have any thoughts to share.

      And He knows i’m interested. Thanks for the thought, but He does know. He knows me really well, and He doesn’t think i’m that hard to read. But thanks. 🙂

      Reply
  1. Erin

    I’ve totally wondered the same thing with my man sometimes. You’re not alone, only for me its the mama thing, not the grandma thing.

    Hugs,
    E

    Reply
  2. jadescastle

    Oh sugar. i have no wise words to offer. Only the promise that i will hold you in the light and sit with you, just as you have for me. i’m here. You have my cell, email. 24/7, okay? This hurts, i know. This is not about you, but you already know that. Many hugs. i’d send you some sausalito cookies because they are great for stuffing you pain (wry grins). Oh, wait, i ate them. Evidently that was me being your friend and saving you the calories. Seriously…hugs. You are not alone.

    Reply
    1. sofia Post author

      Thanks, jade, for saving me the calories! i’ve done enough emotional eating lately for both ofus. :-: And thanks for sitting with me. You know i appreciate that. Hugs…

      Reply
    1. sofia Post author

      Thanks, My Sir’s Mynx, for reading and for commenting, and for the suggestion. i think you’re right, at least theoretically, and i think i should probably listen to you and talk to him. i’m just not ready to, i guess. But i appreciate the reminder.

      Reply
  3. jadescastle

    i keep thinking that if Masters/Doms had ANY idea what it does to us to not keep up their end of what we need…they would NEVER do it. It creates all kinds of angst, pain, insecurity, fear, loss. We take down a lot of walls to let them in.

    Reply
    1. sofia Post author

      Thanks, Jade, but you know, i don’t think this is something He’s *doing* – i think it’s something that’s happened to Him just as much as it’s happened to me… but you’re right. i don’t think He knows what it’s like for me.

      Reply
  4. faithfulreader2

    sending hugs

    woman’s intuition is a bitch sometimes isn’t it?

    praying you and he find your way…. or a new way that works for both of you.

    ~faithful

    Reply
  5. Fiona

    Oh darlin!!! I’m so sorry. That hurt, doubt, angst, fear, betrayal, rejection…it’s scary and painful. I wish I was there to give you a huge hug and provide chocolate!!!!!

    ((((((((((Hugs))))))))))
    Fiona

    Reply
  6. monkey

    I hate the idea that you are scared. I want to fix it for you, but I know I can’t. Only you and your Sir can do that.

    Maybe instead of waiting until you feel more ready, you can write it for him. I know for me writing it out gives me a little distance from it, and not having to speak it to him might make you more comfortable.
    I wish I had something more than prayers and support I could give you.

    Reply
  7. Beatrice

    shoulder bump

    I’ve been there.
    we all fall into patterns
    that are hard to break

    I’m going to suggest that for him it may be like it is for many of us — the less sex or D/s we have – the less we think about it and crave it (and the inverse is true)

    the pump must be primed.

    as someone who knows you both a bit
    I believe that when things settle
    you will get your groove back

    and he will get his mojo back

    but there may be some stumbles first.

    hugs
    as many as you need even from this non-hugger

    B

    Reply

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