Never

i’ll never have time to blog again.  Never have kink in my life again.  i’m going to become an old, asexual granny who doesn’t even remember what it’s like to squirm with pleasure, to squeal in pain, to scream with delight.

Hey, it could happen!

Sir says this is “the calm before the storm,” and explains that once we are alone again, we’ll be back to our old ways.  i’m living for the rare slap on the butt, the occasional night that my ankle is encircled in rope and i’m tethered.

I have a lovely life.  Good friends.  Love.  A fabulous family.

i’m doing fine.

You know what “fine” means in AA (Alcoholics Anoymous) jargon?   It stand for

Fucked-up

Insecure

Neurotic

Emotional

i can never say i’m *fine* without that flashing through my mind.  So i don’t usually say that, i say “i’m good.”  And then i have a dozen mental add-ons that go through my mind behind that.   “Good-enough,” “Good-hearted,” “Good for nothing” – no, not really that last one.

Sigh.

i haven’t blogged in so long i don’t know what to say.

i really am fine.  Um, good.  Well, good enough anyhow.  i miss that part of me that seems to be gone.  i hope she comes back…

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20 thoughts on “Never

  1. areluctantbitch

    Do I need to send you some Lee Harrington links?

    chin up, chica.
    All will be well again and you will wonder why on earth you doubted…

    Yy

    Reply
  2. vanillamom

    right there with you. NO playtime for months. I grok. He’s busy. I’m busy. We’re making do with an occasional face time and a wee pinch here and there (this is MY limit just now, preparing to go on vaca with the family—can’t have bruises that show when I’m wearing a swimsuit.)

    Huge sigh.

    I’m having a hard time writing. I have many wants, not tons of time, and I feel…adrift. I’m guessing that you feel the same. I wonder sometimes if it isn’t WAY harder for you than me (not that its comparative, you know i know this)…because you’re used to having that at hand, so to speak, 24-7. I’m used to the occasional face time, the clandestine visits.

    Sigh again.

    Okay, stopping that shit coz I’m gonna make us BOTH depressed. Hug your Sir and pinch his man nipple. That’ll get you some attention.

    (just tryin’ to help…hahahaha)

    nilla

    Reply
    1. sofia Post author

      Laughing. Our. Loud. at the idea of Sir’s reaction to me pinching his *man nipple.* {As opposed to his *woman nipple?*} {falls on the floor laughing…} Either way, it has been explained to me before that THAT kind of shenanigans are off limits.

      i did get a whiff of the old Sir yesterday though after i insisted He go look at something related to home maintenance and then said something about having had to “make him” go look at it. Just a whiff – in the raised eyebrow, the mild correction that i didn’t *make Him* do anything. Yeah, there might be hope.

      Sending you hugs and peace…

      Reply
  3. Wordwytch

    Sofia, I feel your pain. Life has NOT been fair of late. Too much work, after none for so long. Other commitments, like school (he’s taking college classes), parents who are becoming less able, our own aches and pains… all add up to No Sex, No Kink! Aieee-ya!

    I’m hoping for a date night soon. Before I explode. Before Wolf explodes.

    Reply
  4. innocuous37

    date nights or something like that are probably the answer you know. They were invented for situations like yours, where there isn’t enough man woman privacy, enough man woman attention to be satisfying. Sex is good. D/s sex is better, but I think the really important thing is focus and attention on each other.

    Or you could just sneak off and have sex in a motel or a field or the back of the car?

    Reply
    1. innocuous37

      drat – that was me, sin, who wrote that – I’m signed into wordpress and … if I sign out, it makes me sorry I’d ever thought to try to get away. Damn wordpress.

      anyway, it was me.

      -sin

      Reply
    2. sofia Post author

      I know – it seems like that would be a good way to handle it – and there are actually a couple of nights a week that we have to ourselves, although they’re both work days for us so we tend to be tired and not “on.” We did a getaway weekend, and that was nice, but expensive, and not as D/s as i hoped and…

      Whine, whine, whine… ya know? 5 more weeks and the house will be empty again and i’ll be complaining about missing them. Sheesh.

      Thanks for the suggestions and the support!

      Reply
  5. jadescastle

    Poor sugar. Goodness.

    Though, i love, love, love your ideas on “fine” and “good.” It made me laugh out loud, in particular because i have said, “i’m always fine, i have to be” so many times in life. And…um…yep. Fine.

    Certainly, i’m *fine* about the lack of attention and play here too. 😛

    The “calm before the storm” comment made my hair stand up for you. You have been able to build up a resistance/acceptance to everything over time. That is gone, chickee. Yeah. Try and enjoy that calm.

    Reply
    1. sofia Post author

      Hey, Jade,

      Ha- glad you liked my *fine* and *good.* Hope you’re right that there really are good times ahead!

      Hope your hiatus ends soon too!

      Reply
  6. little monkey

    slipping into the comment party a bit late. I’ll just sit quietly over here. I’ll be fine 🙂

    I read the day you posted but didn’t have a clue what to say. i wanted you to know I was thinking about you and send some supportive energy.

    Reply

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