No, seriously, i have a pain in my neck – it started on Wednesday, and i’ve spent two days in fairly frantic “make it stop, make it stop,” mode.
It is better. Ice and heat, ibuprofen, aleve, and even a massage therapist have made it “better.” It’s still stiff and sore and i don’t like it.
Working on the computer seems to make it worse, so i’m minimizing my time here.
Then i ran across this quote this morning:
“Pain is not wrong. Reacting to pain as wrong initiates the trance of unworthiness. The moment we believe something is wrong, our world shrinks and we lose ourselves in the effort to combat the pain.”
― Tara Brach, Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha
That made me think. Does the frantic-ness of my desire to make the pain go away actually intensify it?
Of course it does.
And it’s not an unbearable pain. It’s not a toothache, or childbirth. It’s not a broken leg or arm that requires medical attention. It’s just some kind of swelling, probably, a pinched nerve, some such thing. Yes, if it persists i can go to a doctor or a chiropractor, but my experience with neck and shoulder pain is that it is more often about a need for me to relax and let go of something.
In Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life, Jon Kabat Zinn says:
“To let go means to give up coercing, resisting, or struggling, in exchange for something more powerful and wholesome which comes out of allowing things to be as they are without getting caught up in your attraction to or rejection of them, in the intrinsic stickiness of wanting, of liking and disliking.”
“Just watch this moment, without trying to change it at all. What is happening? What do you feel? What do you see? What do you hear?”
“Mindfulness practice means that we commit fully in each moment to be present; inviting ourselves to interface with this moment in full awareness, with the intention to embody as best we can an orientation of calmness, mindfulness, and equanimity right here and right now.”
So that’s my goal today. Letting go of the idea that my neck ISN’T SUPPOSED TO HURT!! Letting go of my frustration that i’m going away for a romantic kinky weekend and a sore neck is TERRIBLE, AWFUL, HORRIBLE and JUST WRONG!!
It will be fine. i’ll keep doing the things that help, but i’ll let go of the idea that this SHOULDN’T BE HAPPENING TO ME!!
It is what it is…
and maybe i’ll feel more of this: