Heartless Bitch Submissives?

Is that an oxymoron?

Jz’s Scholarly Professor asks the question:

can you be a heartless bitch and a sub?

and Jz considers it in her post here.

And i’m pondering it.  My first thought is noooooo, it just wouldn’t work.  i imagine Heartless Bitch Sub (HBS) submitting to a spanking and then thinking, “Oooooh, you’ll pay for that someday!”  Or telling her Dominant, “Fuck you ~ I’m through with you ~ I was just using you to indulge my submissive side by doing everything you wanted to please you, but I’m tired of that shit! No, don’t start crying ~ I don’t care!!”  And that makes me giggle.

Oh, whoops, does that make me HBS?  No, seriously, would she even be submissive then?

But that’s only one way to think about what being the HBS would look like.  What does being a heartless bitch really mean?

Hell, I don’t know.  I guess it’s someone who puts her own needs before everyone else’s?  Who doesn’t care how her actions affect others?  Who doesn’t feel compassion or sympathy for others?

I mean, no one’s like that all the time with everybody, at least I don’t know anyone who is.  Oh, ok, I guess the guy who kidnapped those women and kept them locked up for 10 years.  But I bet there are people who would tell you what a great guy he was.  Well, not anymore, but before he got caught, probably.

So then I get lost in philosophic musings about all kind of things.  Refocus – back to the question.  Submission – HBS – is it possible?

Is caring an essential component of submission?

Hell, I don’t know.  I think you can be a “bottom” and not be a caring person (whatever that means.)  And I guess you could be tremendously approval seeking and be submissive in order to get those needs met without giving a damn about anything except getting your fill of approval for being submissive?

Is that what it would look like?  Just being on a quest for the “good girl,” not being compassionate for anyone outside of the D/s relationship?  What do youall think?  Do you know an HBS?

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10 thoughts on “Heartless Bitch Submissives?

  1. DelFonte

    I would like to think it is human nature for all of us to be caring. However, it isn’t the case since the news has shown us yet again this week. What we appear on the outside may not be our true nature. vanilla to one lot of friends, kinky to another… Is it possible to be heartless and submissive, on the outside world you could parade around as both, but what lies underneath? Approval seeking is intrinsic to many people – all children start out seeking it. I don’t think it’s necessary a bad thing, as long as it isn’t the reason for submission – which I think is what you’re saying?

    Reply
    1. sofia Post author

      Hi, Delfonte,

      Yeah, i think that’s what i’m saying – that a reason to be submissive, other than being a caring person, would be a strong need for approval. Yeah. Thanks!!

      Reply
  2. vanillamom

    i’ve been poking at that thought in my head as well. I kind of lean towards “no” for a quick answer…because submission automatically means (in my head) supplanting one’s desire(s) for anothers…I want to cum, He wants to spank–and will stop before I go over the edge. That’s one picture of submitting–there are multitudes. But in every case that I think about, it is the Top;s needs/wishes/desires being tended to -first by submitting their wanting whatever physical thing they want, and then actually *doing* it…if you grok me. (I’m almost talking myself into a circle here, but bear with me!)…He wants a bj. You want to fuck. But you get on your knees (or however He wants you)–that’s the first submissive act. THEN you give the bj…that’s the second submissive act. A heartless bitch would say “suck your own damn cock–i wanna fuck”…(or in my scenario she does)… !!

    I just can’t see the two bits–submissive and heartless bitch–coexisting in a D/s environment. I’m sure there are heartless bitches in the world, born that way as sociopaths, or made that way through circumstances–but I’ve never met anyone who totally fit that role. (yeah, I know, and I’ve me *SO* many people, right? *eyerolls self*.*grin*)

    nilla

    Reply
    1. sofia Post author

      Well, and you’re right ‘nilla, what the heck does “heartless bitch” mean, even without complicating it with “heartless bitch submissive?” i dunno. Often, people call someone “Heartless Bitch” when the HB is not doing what the other person wants, or isn’t putting the other person’s needs first, so what maybe that person is the ‘heartless’ one. Does that make sense.?

      Reply
  3. Jz

    It’s the definition that stumps me.
    (Heck, I’m not even certain I’m not heartless so how can I hope to determine this fact about others?)
    But if you can’t define your terms, you surely cannot decide your feelings..

    Reply
  4. jadescastle

    i think a person could be perceived as a heartless bitch to the outside world and still be submissive to their Dominant. For example, there are times that you cannot return a phone call with a person who is negative towards your relationship, even though they are claiming to be in the hospital. You are putting your relationship first, and quite possibly being a heartless bitch in the process.
    i think that you can be presented to the world as a slave or submissive and actually be a HB in private. i’ve seen that a time or ten.
    i think that for most submissive people, their heart is in it, and so it would be incompatible with being a HB. That depends on how one defines HB though, because life has taught many submissive to put a wall up to avoid being hurt so often.

    Reply
    1. sofia Post author

      Thanks, Jade, i was hoping you’d comment, cause i knew you’d have an insightful response, and you do. i don’t know why, but reading your response made it clear in my own head. Of course you can be an HBS, self-important in your own submission or slavery, numbed out to the real feelings and needs of those around you. Got it. Thanks.

      And then when i say “numbed out to” you know that always makes me thing of how become that way in response to trying to avoid their own pain. Yep. Thanks again.

      Reply
  5. jadescastle

    (nodding) Yes…i’ve sadly found that the loudest among us, the ones intent on proving they are the “best slave In. The. World.” are really HB behind closed doors. They can be so focused on making it “look right” that they could be totally out of touch with the meaning or being emotionally invested in their Master. But, damn, it looks good, right? And yes, they are often very numbed out. The focus, oddly, is in being “right” at all costs.
    Personally, i don’t think of people who lack humility as slaves, but that is just me.

    i do think there are times you have to be willing to hurt, anger, and otherwise avoid people who seek to be destructive to your M/s relationship. Again, though, i think that for the most part, people who are submissive and/or slaves have a hard time with hurting people even when they know it is what has to be done. For me, i care less about looking like a HB than i do about hurting anyone.

    Reply
  6. amelthalt

    For what my opinions worth, I think there is a bit of Dom in every sub and a bit of sub in every Dom. A good image to represent this would be the yin yang symbol. I have seen men with Dominant minds cry and I have seen submissive hearts cruel.

    Reply

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