Thirty-seven years ~ i’ve been driving for thirty-seven years, and have been mostly responsible for taking care of my car myself.  i’ve sat through countless oil changes, hovered by the phone waiting for estimates, bemoaned a couple of blown head gaskets.  i’ve had cars overheat, get flat tires, and even had the drive shaft break once.

i am not a stranger to garages and car repairs.

So yesterday, I take my car in to get the brakes checked ~ always good to do when you hear that grinding noise, right?   i text Sir that i’m taking it in, and am not surprised that there’s no response.  He’s at work, i’m sure He’s busy.

Then i text Him when i get the estimate, which is not just a simple new-brake-pads event, but involves leaky hoses replaced and fluids flushed.  And of course He doesn’t answer.

i text Him again when i decide to walk up to the bookstore to kill time.  No response.

Again when i go to a deli to get coffee and hang out with my book.  No response.

And i start feeling pouty and sad and uncared for and some kind of insidious abandonment issues kick in.  Ugh.

There is no reason for me to feel abandoned.  i know this.

He told me from the beginning that He might not always answer when i text Him.  At the time, i thought this was some Domly principal, but no.  He doesn’t always answer because He leaves his phone places, He forgets to charge it, or He just doesn’t hear it.  i know this.

And i still feel abandoned.

i think about Monkey’s recent post “Pat, Pat, Goes the Sub-girl.”  It perfectly describes what i want from him right now.


Just as i finish my coffee and head back to the garage, He texts back.   By then i’m walking, and i’ve half-way closed off that part of myself that wanted Him to pat me back anyhow, so i just keep walking as my phone dings.  And dings.  i keep walking.  Pouty.

Only about the time i get back to the shop, He calls, and of course i answer.

Cell phone was in the car.  Do i need anything?  A ride?  Anything He can do?

See, He DIDN’T really abandon me!

And all is well again.

Pat, pat.


6 thoughts on “Ugh…

  1. sirqsmlb

    Of those abandonment issues are sneaky. The creep, ever so quietly and with alarming speed until – THAT’S IT! I’M DONE! pouty and hurt and mad and sulky and desperately independent. But so frequently, it’s unnecessary and we do these self-defeating mind games to ourselves. UGH.

    I am so sorry! I can totally relate, though.


    1. sofia Post author

      They are sneaky, aren’t they? And irrational and unnecessary, but there they are… yeah. Nice to know we’re not alone though.


  2. abby

    I am in the same boat with you and Fiona, was on that boat just today. I think i am getting better at controlling it,, and then….bang!
    hugs abby


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