A Dream

Last night, i had one of those long, convoluted dreams that went on and on.  In one part, there was a little carnival in the middle of the road.  It had rides – like it had bumper cars, only they weren’t contained in a rink like they usually are, and they were small, like the little kids version of them.

Before that, I was in a work meeting of some sort.  But I don’t remember… I just remember sitting around a table with my co-workers and… I don’t know.

Then I drove somewhere and had to park because the carnival was in the middle of the road.  I ran into someone I knew, and talked to them for a minute, and then quite suddenly, I was carrying a baby ~ my daughter, only of course in real life, my daughter is all grown up.   But in the dream, she was  a little one, maybe 4 or 5 months old, and she was just wearing a diaper.  She was asleep, with her arms up almost around my neck.

I lifted her a bit, you know how you do, shifting her weight, and she sighed and stretched her arms up and snuggled into me.  I had that lovely, lovely baby feeling and it was soooo nice.

The next thing I knew, I was driving down the road, thinking about where i was headed, and suddenly realized I didn’t know where I had put the baby.  I vaguely remember setting her down, but not where, and I’m thinking, surely i put her in the car seat only  ~

~ when i look around, there’s no car seat in the car.  No baby either.  i’m trying to look all over the back seat, even though i’m still driving, but i know she’s not there.  i’ve set her down and driven away without her.  So i turn the car around and go back to look for her.

As i drive, i realize i’m probably not going to be able to just go retrieve her.  CPS is probably already involved and “i forgot” is probably not going to be a good enough excuse.    So i’m feeling almost unbearably miserable as i drive along ~~

~~ and then i wake up.  And for a minute, i’m still sick and terrified, and then i remember ~ dream, not real, just a dream.  Whew.

i don’t know what it means.  Not that it really matters, but still.

i’m afraid it’s a warning.  No babies to lose, but lots of other precious things i could forget, lay aside and forget to pick up again.

But i’m pretty sure my therapist would have some whole other viewpoint.  i have an appointment  ~ in mid-May.   By then it will be totally moot.  So i’m on my own here ~ open to suggestions too.


In other news, i’m hanging in there with the 50 Day Challenge, and getting ready to start the 17 Day Diet.  i’m still reading a new Nora Roberts (well, first time in paperback, i won’t buy it in hardcover.)  It’s The Witness, and it’s fascinating and compelling.  i do love Nora Roberts.

There’s a JD Robb i haven’t read, and i’m excited about that too.

i did errands on Wednesday, and crossed off a lot of items off my World’s Worst Procrastinator list.  Now i just need to start taxes.  What?  You think most people have already done theirs?   Pfffft.  i scoff at your over-accomplished-ness.

And i’m aware that i haven’t responded to comments in days.  Maybe that’s the baby i laid down?  i love, love, love getting comments, i don’t know why i’m neglecting them.  Sigh…  and i’ve been reading OPB’s and not commenting.

As for the kink, sex and spanking ~ is that what this blog is supposed to be about???  O.  Sorry.  Gotta go exercise now.  Try again tomorrow…  🙂


8 thoughts on “A Dream

  1. vanillamom

    Well…this blog is a new venture for you…and you feel the tug of responsiblity for nurturing it, right? And if you’re like me even a bit? You get anxious when you’ve unresponded-to comments hanging about. I grok. 🙂 When, if, you get time to respond? We’ll still be reading.


  2. jadescastle

    It sounds like you are responsible for/in control of a lot of things…you are driving, you are at the work meeting, you are responsible for the baby. Maybe it is a lot at the same time? Interesting that the thing that brought you that amazing feeling of warmth (oxytocin, anyone?) is the same thing that delivered sheer terror later.

    Or, maybe spring makes us dream of babies. i stayed in bed way late yesterday because i was hearing my youngest nephew call me in a dream and stayed asleep desperate to hold him.

    1. sofia Post author

      Oooh, all good insights, Jade.

      And you know, Kahlil Gibran says:

      When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
      When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

      So that makes perfect sense.

      And yeah. Spring and children. Sending hugs…

  3. sirqsmlb

    I’m with Jade and nilla. You seem stressed about dropping the ball…things to do that you WANT todo, that you feel responsible to do, but have “set-down” and now need to find and be responsible for. You have a lot of that…like Jade said, at work, at home…life!

    The good thing is that you are accounting for those things and in time-can either decide to get them done or start from a new place. You can account for the baby’s whereabouts and made sure she’s cared for.

    We’re here to support you. Yea 50 days! You can do it! Wow, 17 day diet…GOOD for you!!! You are a super-achiever!


    1. sofia Post author

      Thanks, Fiona!! i don’t know that i’m a super-achiever, but it’s nice that you see me that way!
      And yeah, i do tend to worry about ‘dropping the ball’ and i am in transition a lot these days and ~ yeah. Good interpretations! Who needs a therapist? LOL

  4. DelFonte

    So you’re the one who won the World’s Worst Procastinator award. I thought I had it. A list, now that sounds useful, probably accompanied by a some kind of incentive.
    Hang in their with your challenge!

    1. sofia Post author

      Yeah, sorry DelFonte, it was me this year. 🙂 Maybe you’ll get it next year ~ i’m trying to take myself out of the running… {giggle…}

      Thanks! 🙂


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